the true king of pop

You can’t overstate the importance of Michael Jackson to Generation X.

You just can’t. It’s impossible.

If you say he’s the most important person to Gen X — not most important musician or entertainer, but most important person — you at least have a defensible argument. Ronald Reagan? He takes a back seat to Michael Jackson. Everyone between the ages of 30 and about 50 owned Thriller. EVERYONE.

When it comes to musicians, forget it . Elvis, The Beatles and Michael Jackson. As Tony Kornheiser would say, “That’s it, that’s the list.” No one else belongs on their level when it comes to putting the whole package together.

At the same time, he was also a total jerkoff who defined the word “weird” for an entire generation. From his excess (the wardrobe, Neverland Ranch) to his personal life (yeah, umm, you know) to his shady business dealings (stealing The Beatles catalog out from under Paul McCartney), you never knew what was next for Jackson, and that’s what made him so fascinating.

But for everything we hated him for, there’s just no other way to say it — from the time Thriller came out in 1982 until about 1995, Michael Jackson somehow was the most important person in pop culture and maybe one of the most important people in the world.

Since I’ve been in list mode all week, here are three things that would have never existed — or at least not entered the Zeitgeist so quickly — without Michael Jackson:

Cable television: Ha! You thought I was going to say MTV! But it’s bigger than that. In 1982, no one was screaming “I want my ESPN!” or “I want my CNN!” But millions of kids around the country were clamoring to anyone who would listen ”I want my MTV!” They didn’t want it so they could see the latest Spandau Ballet video, either. They didn’t want to be the only kid on the block who didn’t see the Thriller video. So they screamed and screamed, and cable companies listened, finally adding MTV to their packages. It didn’t stop there — people in out of reach places like the Poconos started screaming, forcing cable companies to hard-wire the sticks. And when rich people saw that kids and their parents were watching these cable stations, they started their own networks like USA, VH1 and C-SPAN. From there, it was on — now just about every home in the country gets at least 100 channels. Before Michael Jackson came around, we had about 15, if that, and only about 50 percent of people had cable at all. That is not a coincidence.

New Coke. Gather ’round kids, it’s time for a lesson about the biggest marketing mistake of the 80s. Coke ruled the roost of the Cola Wars for as long as they had been in business. But in 1984, Pepsi signed Michael Jackson as its spokesman and put a major dent in Coke’s marketshare. Instead of just holding its ground and realizing it was just a fad that, in time, would fade, Coke freaked out worse than Ricky and Dougboy’s mom when Tre brought home Ricky’s body in Boyz n the Hood. It quickly screwed with its own time-tested formula and put out New Coke — which sucked and tasted just like Pepsi, only worse. Three months later, Coke brought the old formula back as Coca-Cola Classic and one of the greatest punchlines of the 80s was born. And it’s all because Michael Jackson made it cool to drink Pepsi.

Rap music: In the year between MTV’s launch and Thriller, MTV was whiter than the crowd at an REM concert. Even if Michael Jackson never rapped a single word in his life, his mere presence as a black man being accepted by the mainstream as the biggest star in the world allowed MTV to start letting the rap world into its own world. Without a show like Yo! MTV Raps, rap never gets a mainstream foothold in the suburbs and remains and underground phenomenon for another 10 years, at least. Without Michael Jackson, MTV stays wary of allowing a “black” show so much airtime and 120 Minutes becomes 180 Minutes. Stupid Kevin Powell from the stupid first season of The stupid Real World said this last night and I hate to admit it, but he’s right — Michael Jackson is the Jackie Robinson of MTV.

And since everyone else is going to be doing it, here’s my top 5 Michael Jackson songs:

5. You Are Not Alone: Go ahead, rip into me. If you liked this song, you were squarely in the camp of people who could at the very least enjoy Michael Jackson beyond all the nonsense. So sue me.

4. Don’t Stop ’til You Get Enough. Always to be remembered as the song over the dance montage in the final clip show of Seinfeld. What, I’m the only one who remembers it that way?

3. Smooth Criminal. If you’ve ever seen the entire half-hour video (this is only part of it), you know that it’s one of the most awkwardly funny things ever put on film since it’s Jackson hanging around with a bunch of 10-year-olds, keeping them out of harm’s way. I randomly saw it in Ireland in 2003 and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It could have been used as testimony against him.

2. Say, Say, Say. Yet another Michael Jackson project that’s awkwardly funny now, his second and much better collaboration with McCartney. Also yet another great video.

1. Billie Jean. All the people who thought Jackson was gay should have listened to this song, since he obviously was lovin’ the groupies. Excellent argument for best song of the 80s and an even better one for best video.

Hopefully, he’s finally found the peace he couldn’t find here and there are only adults wherever he is. Everyone’s got their own Michael Jackson story, feel free to leave it down there in the comments.