the essential simpsons (part 2)

Ran out of time and words Thursday describing the best episodes of the (wait for it) best … TV show … ever.

So here’s part 2 of The Essential Simpsons — part 1 was yesterday – the episodes you need to watch, learn, study and memorize if you ever think you can call yourself a true Simpsons aficionado. I capped it at 20 episodes originally, and I’m kinda sticking to that plus-2. But the 22 I have listed only brings us through nine of the show’s 20 seasons. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, the end of the eighth season is presumably where the show’s creative team went on auto-pilot to churn out episodes, even though it was still one of the funniest shows on TV.

The Boy Who Knew Too Much (aired May 5, 1994): Just another simple premise loaded with laughs and some of the best pop culture references you’ll ever see, like trashing the director’s cut of Free Willy, ripping on America’s royal family or making fun of the bomb Last Action Hero — even if it was done without ever mentioning the movie or its famous star. It also showcased the copious possibilities of Homer as a strong secondary character. Through the first four seasons, he was only used as a foil to Bart or the main character in an episode. But in the fifth season — like in this episode — the writers realized they didn’t have to craft a whole episode around him. That made it easier for him to do things like allow Bart to hear his innermost thoughts –”Meow, meow, meow, meow …”

Bart of Darkness (Sept. 4, 1994): Now the show was in an honest-to-goodness groove in its sixth season in a way no other show ever has been. 25 episodes, 23 home runs. Not just some home runs and a couple more bunt base hits — 23 HOME RUNS. If you made a list of the 50 greatest Simpsons episodes, no less than 10 would come from this sixth season. It kicked off with this episode, one of the more subtle episodes that turned out to be one of the best. For my money, it contains the best Simpsons line of an automated phone message telling Bart he had selected … regicide. You … you had to be there.

Lisa’s Rival (Sept. 11, 1994): You need a Lisa episode in here somewhere because there just aren’t that many to choose from. But you need to know what makes her tick. The short explanation is that she needs to be #1 in everything she does and it doesn’t matter who’s in the way. Sure, her conscious will get the better of her at some point, but she’s just crazy enough to do something stupid before that happens. More evidence that this is Homer’s best season — his B-story of swiping sugar very nearly steals the episode if it weren’t for the strength of Lisa’s segment.

Fear of Flying (Dec. 18, 1994): Funniest. First. Segment. Ever. Even though the episode eventually revolved around Marge’s fear of flying because her father was secretly a male steward, the funny part is actually how we found that out. Homer gets kicked out of Moe’s loses his favorite song out of the jukebox (”It’s Raining Men?!?!?!” “Not no more it ain’t”), so he goes on a trip around Springfield looking for a new bar. He ends up at Cheers — where the only Cheers regular not to have a line, ironically, is Kelsey Grammar, the voice of Sideshow Bob — then at a lesbian bar, then back to Moe’s in disguise (but not) as “Guy Incognito,” a fantastic fantasy team name for the ultimate Simpsons fan. It’s seven minutes of laughs nearly unrivaled by any other Simpsons episode.

Homer the Great  (Jan. 8, 1995): As funny as Homer is as a secondary character, he’s even better as the main character of any episode. It’s probably never been more evident than when he became the god of the Stonecutters. Plus, it had what continues to be the funniest song The Simpsons has ever made. C’mon, when you can mention Steve Guttenberg in a song, it can’t be topped, right?

Who Shot Mr. Burns (part 1 on May 25, 1995, and part 2 on Sept. 17, 1995): OK, I promise, this is the last time I’m using a season 6 episode. But of all The Simpsons episodes, this one may have had the most long-ranging effects on TV. This parody of season-finale cliffhangers — which were sparse at the time — was so popular and so memorable, it spawned a slew of season-ending cliffhangers that have become so important for a TV show that they’re basically necessary. You need to have a cliffhanger in today’s TV world. Only in Hollywood could someone be made fun of, only to have that joke become the norm.

Bart Sells His Soul (Oct. 8, 1995): At this point in the show, you could tell the writers were heading into eff you mode, where they thought they could just write anything and get away with it. They were writing for themselves and their art instead of dumbing it down for some bonehead mass audience … not you. Wait, I’m getting my TV shows mixed up. Anyway, even though they were flipping the bird to the very public that made them a success, they were smart about it. Sure, Bart descends into near madness after selling his soul and trying to get it back. But they contrasted it by taking the most dreary, dank place in Springfield — Moe’s Tavern — and turning it into a bright, shiny family restaurant. Those kinds of things are why anyone who ever wants to be a TV writer should intern for a semester on The Simpsons.

A Fish Called Selma (March 26, 1996): Only the best Simpsons secondary characters get episodes crafted around them, and this one came just in time to showcase Troy McClure, who you may remember from such self-help videos like “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confidence, Stupid!” Phil Hartman, the voice of Troy, died two years later.

Homer’s Phobia (Feb. 16, 1997): A year before Will & Grace hit TV, The Simpsons had been fighting to end homophobia for years. Apparently no one realized the subtle references — what do you expect, it’s what they do best — so they just flat-out said it here and turned Homer into a complete doofus to show the world just how silly it is to fear gays. It’s not out of the realm of possibility to say that without this episode, Will & Grace never gets made.

Brother from Another Series (Feb. 23, 1997): The Simpsons is the most self-aware show on TV and always has been. If it’s not making fun of someone else, it’s making fun of itself and normally the joke’s on pop culture. That’s the case in the last Sideshow Bob entrant where David Hyde Pierce guests as his brother, Cecil. The joke, of course, is that Pierce plays Bob voice Kelsey Grammer on Frasier. Not only did they have chemistry there, but here too. Damn you Hulu for not having a clip from this episode! Well then let me give my favorite exchange between the Crane boys:

Sideshow Bob: You do know I used to have a … problem with trying to kill people.

Cecil: Goodness! I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the past decade, in a cave, with my eyes shut, and my fingers in my ears.

Sideshow Bob: Touche, Cecil.

Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment (March 16, 1997): The Beer Baron vs. Rex Banner. It should be noted that in the summer of 2000, my summer league basketball team was called “Rex Banner.” Later that summer, my buddy Big’s sister, who then worked for wrestling organization WCW, scored me four primo seats at the Wachovia Arena in Wilkes-Barre for a taping of the weekly show Thunder. My buddy Chris and my brothers Mark and Jeff managed to get two signs on TV that night. One was “Avoid the clap” because were were in a League of Their Own stage and because it’s one of the funniest movie lines ever. The other was “Rex Banner Rules.” Spreading the word of The Simpsons, one wrestling show at a time.

Homer’s Enemy (May 4, 1997): One of the few Simpsons episodes that warranted a sequel. Frank Grimeswas the answer to the Homer naysayers, the guy who asked the question we all wanted to know: How does a complete and blundering idiot have such a great life? Grimes didn’t like the answers though, and it taught us all a lesson. Just suspend belief for a half-hour and accept Homer as the world’s luckiest man, or suffer a similar fate of Grimey.

Trash of the Titans (April 26, 1998): If you are a famous comedian with any kind of street cred and you haven’t appeared on The Simpsons, there’s something wrong with you. Same goes for being a famous band that hasn’t appeared on the show. The show took care of two of its greatest oversights to this point by getting Steve Martin and U2 in the same episode — both with hysterical results. I was on the U2 fence up until this point in my life, but their guest spot here sealed me as a solidly lukewarm fan for life.