I was off yesterday, sorry I didn’t mention there wouldn’t be a post. Time to catch up:
For all the woe-is-me talk, it’s a good day to be Conan O’Brien. He’s about to be paid about $30 million not to work, he’s going to have a new payday lined up the second he leaves NBC and is coming out of the whole thing as the people’s late-night host, the victim of a tyrannical, stupid TV network that has more use for an unfunny hack than the voice of a new generation. Never mind that some of it could be his fault — whatever he’s done over the past couple weeks, he should keep doing it because he’s got everyone under the age of 40 squarely in his corner. Even better, he holds every card and two ace of spades in his negotiations with NBC. The only thing holding up his exit from the network is how his staff is going to be compensated since they’re the real ones getting the shaft here. So if Conan doesn’t like the deal they’ll get, what’s NBC going to do, say, “OK, never mind, just go do your show.” As if NBC hasn’t completely doomed itself as a laughing stock yet, would it ever even consider bringing Coco back after all this? In an intelligent world, no. But this is NBC, so who knows. Conan could ask for a shotgun seat for the next space shuttle mission, and NBC would have to figure out a way to make it happen. And why Coco? He spent years making fun of himself as Coney, a much better self-deprecating moniker. Can we all persuade him to go back to Coney? Thanks.
In case you’ve missed anything in the process, the Japanese have you covered:
You know what would be the worst thing about Marc Webb taking over as director of the Spider-Man franchise? If it was all just some stunt because of his name. If the release date gets closer and we start seeing posters proclaiming him the “ultimate Webb slinger” or something, I’m going to be super p!ssed. Other than that, there’s really nothing fans can do now is just sit and wait to see how his vision turns out. If it even approaches Raimi’s incredible version of the Spider-Man universe, then it will be a success. And if you don’t like it, TS, looks like he’s in for three of the movies.
Is six months of editing enough? We’re going to find out when Pirates of the Caribbean 4 films this summer in Hawaii. That seems like not that much time to get everything done. In the truest definition of summer, let’s say shooting starts in mid-June and takes the standard two months. That brings us to mid-August. A finished print would have to be completed by February — March at the latest — just in case there needs to be any reshoots, which are pretty standard on a big movie like this. So you’re talking six months to put the entire movie together. Lest we forget, Spider-Man 4 fell apart because in early January, the studio decided there was no way they could start shooting by late winter or early spring, thereby leaving no way they could possibly finish such a CGI-heavy production. Sony decided it didn’t want to rush what has come to have a such a solid reputation, and in the end, it may be a good decision. Disney, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have such scruples. There doesn’t seem to be a script yet, but the franchise which is just as CGI-dominant as Spider-Man, will be up against it trying to get done for next Memorial Day. This reeks of someone at Disney calling up Jerry Bruckheimer last week and saying:
Disney: Spider-Man 4 is toast, Thor is taking its release date, there’s nothing on the docket for Memorial Day 2011 … can you get Pirates 4 done by then?
Bruckheimer(who I like to call “The Devil,” so imagine him with horns, a tail and hooves instead of feet): “Umm, well, I don’t know, Depp is busy, we don’t have a script yet …”
Disney: “We’ll pay you double what we gave you for Pirates 3.”
Bruckheimer: “But my artistic integrity could be on the line …”
Bruckheimer: “Sold! See you on Memorial Day 2011. Hey Johnny, did you hear that?!?!?! They fell for it! Oh, crap, I’m still on speaker … ”
It’s no wonder Hollywood studios are going out of business and becoming less and less important.
Because making a sequel to a student film horror movie sensation went so well the first time, get ready for Paranormal Activity 2 next Halloween. OK, 20-something fans of the first one who went crazy watching it because you’d never seen anything like it before, here’s some advice because you’re too young to remember the Blair Witch situation. Don’t see PA 2. Just don’t. No matter what any of your friends tell you, no matter how many people are going to see it on opening night while you sit home and watch Caprica, you’re only recourse is to not see the movie. Because then when it sucks monkey turds — and it will — your dimwitted friends will come back to you and say, “You were right, we shouldn’t have seen it.” Then you will be considered the smart one. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one. This is your first and only warning.
Some seminars I’d definitely be in for: Dexter, Vampire Diaries, Glee, Men of a Certain Age and Community. But I’d only be in for Men of a Certain Age so I can geek out and ask Andre Braugher a bunch of Homicide questions and Scott Bakula a bunch of Quantum Leap questions. That would be fun. Like, where does Bakula think Sam Beckett is now after what I think was a great series finale, even though others don’t agree? And does Braugher think Pembleton would be mad with how much weight he’s gained? Or since Pembleton suffered from diabetes, would he be dead? Did anyone else see that MoaCA episode a couple weeks ago with him in his underwear? He’s pushing three bills! Pembleton was a svelte 180, tops.