Buy a T-shirt! And the hottest DWTS cast. Ever.

One quick plug before we roll into a super-sized edition of PopRox to try and make up for slacking lately:

these shirts are cool. so buy one.

these shirts are cool. so buy one.

Buy a T-shirt! Now! Seriously, we’re selling these T-shirts in conjunction with the Great Pocono Weight Race. They’re $15, and all the proceeds will go to the Diabetic Education Program at Pocono Medical Center. We’re trying to raise $1,000, so that means we’re trying to sell 200 T-shirts. If you’re interested, e-mail me or call me at (570) 420-4485. We can only accept cash or check (sorry) and we’re only taking orders through Friday, so hurry up and order one! We expect to have them in by March 15 at the latest.

Good luck to NBC in its quest to restore some normalcy to its schedule now that Jay Leno premiered back on The Tonight Show last night. Not that I watched/cared, nor will I ever watch/care about Leno. This isn’t something new, and it’s not like I ever needed it to be policy or anything — the guy just isn’t funny. He wasn’t funny in his prior Tonight Show run, he wasn’t funny at 10 p.m., so unless the Funny Fairy visited him in the last month and sprinkled him with her magic Funny Dust, I’m not watching. And I won’t watch until I see some kind of YouTube proof that the Funny Fairy actually broke into Leno’s bedroom and physically dropped Funny Dust on him. ‘Til then, forget it. The 10 p.m. NBC landscape is going back to normal, with regular TV shows taking Leno’s spot:

Monday: Law and Order, the regular one. Gold star to you if you knew it was still on at all anymore. I’m taking that star away if you still watch.

Tuesday: Parenthood. The TV show, not the Steve Martin movie shown every week. Although that may have a better chance of succeeding.

Wednesday: Law and Order: SVU. A double shot, no less, because the weekly marathons on USA and the syndicated reruns on every channel other than Cinemax isn’t nearly enough Ice-T for my taste.

Thursday: Once the hallowed residence of groundbreaking TV like Hill Street Blues, LA Law and ER, it will now be home to The Marriage Ref. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be back in a second after I go breathe into a paper bag for about 30 seconds.

In, out. In, out.

OK, I’m back.

Friday: Dateline. The only shock is that Dateline doesn’t occupy more real estate than this.

It should be noted that in the week that NBC is ushering out its new schedule, new episodes of Southland are premiering on TNT tonight. It’s just a coincidence since TNT had this schedule set up months ago and NBC had to scramble to cobble together this lineup within the last month, but it’s quite the unfortunate coincidence for NBC that the show that should have been anchoring its 10 p.m. real estate somewhere is now on cabler TNT with the episodes it paid to produce. Ouch.

so this is nicole? then it's nice to meet you.

so this is nicole? then it's nice to meet you.

Twice a year, I say it’s OK to talk about Dancing with the Stars — the two days the casts are revealed. That’s today. I gotta say, this might be the most interesting set of dancers they’ve had so far, and if it’s not the most interesting, it’s the one with the hottest girls. Pamela Anderson and Erin Andrews cement that without even looking at the rest of the cast. Throw in Shannen Doherty — still hot enough to do Playboy last year. Then I looked up Nicole Scherzinger, who I wouldn’t have known before if she dropped out of the sky, fell on my face and started to wiggle, and found out she’s a Pussycat Doll. Sold. When you add Chad Ocho Cinco to the mix, DWTS may have the highest male audience it’s ever had. Still not enough for me to watch, though.

I’ve still never even seen all of Zoolander, it just never interested me. So making a sequel doesn’t interest me either, but I recognize its status as a seminal Frat Pack movie that people my age hold somewhat sacred, so I figured I’d mention it. Good career move for Stiller, he’s kind of exhausted his value to this generation, unless he goes back to his more famous characters.

I love getting halfway through a movie description and saying, “Geez, didn’t we just see something like that earlier this year?” and I love it even more when the writer talking about the movie says the same thing — Angelina Jolie’s new movie sounds pretty close to the little movie Moon this year, which I wasn’t a particular fan of. It didn’t make my top 20, and seeing as I only saw about 35-40 movies this year, that’s pretty telling. So I’m not sure why I would like Jolie’s movie any more. But why would they get rid of Wanted 2, seeing as Jolie shouldn’t even be in the movie. She got killed at the end! I probably should have said spoiler alert there, but the movie is three years old now, get over it. I thought I read last year they were thinking about a prequel, which would have kept Jolie in the playground, but how could she have been in a sequel? Would she have come back as her twin sister, a la Dr. Drake Ramoray? Anyway, of course the sequel isn’t dead yet, and it doesn’t have to be. Paging Megan Fox

we could probably do without justin long in the next one.

we could probably do without justin long in the next one.

The good thing about the ridiculous, never-ending stream of publicity tours an actor has to do is that big stars are asked questions about their better-known characters. Harrison Ford can’t promote Extreme Measures without talking about Indy 5, and Bruce Willis can’t talk about something as dumb as Cop Out without talking about Die Hard 5. Looks like it’s coming for summer 2012. That’s a risky, risky play since the fourth was lucky enough to make good money, relying on an all-out PR assault by Willis that even included spots on SportsCenter. It was a great action movie all the way, but played on ridiculous, predictable jokes and didn’t have the overall “feel” of a Die Hard movie. That was probably because it was rated PG-13 and we didn’t get the full John McClane vibe until the DVD included the unrated version that had all of McClane’s trademarked F-bombs. I don’t want to go through that again.

Glee is never going to get a top-20 audience, and these days, unless you have a top-20 audience, you better have something else to offer your company in terms of revenue streams. Glee is going all out with two soundtracks for the first half of its season, a DVD set of the first half of the season and now, a singing tour. More power to them — whatever keeps this show on the air is fine by me. I’ve already been broken in by the corporate dealings of TV with the Friday Night Lights/DirecTV deal, so anything you throw at me now pales in comparison. The second I write that, I’m sure there will be some kind of deal to have Don Draper wear a Coca-Cola patch on the back of his suit next season.

Wow, I was not a fan of any of these Simpsons guest voices expect for John Waters and Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin. Are you kidding? No one from Homer at the Bat? No Kelsey Grammer for Sideshow Bob? No David Hype Pierce for Cecil? No Michael Jackson or Dustin Hoffman under their assumed names? No Kathleen Turner for Malibu Stacy? I know there are close to 1,000 celebrity Simpsons guests at this point, but that list is plain B.S. and looks like it was made by someone trying to be too underground.

it's much easier to remember julianne moore this way

it's much easier to remember julianne moore this way

Nice going, James Franco. You’ve started this thing where big stars can appear on daytime soap operas. Can’t we please just remember Julianne Moore as Amber Waves and move on with our lives? Please?

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