An open letter to Ryan Reynolds

Dear Ryan Reynolds,

Thanks a lot.

why couldn't this have been enough?

why couldn't this have been enough?

You already started the potential Deadpool franchise when you played him in Wolverine last summer. And we knew there was some kind of plan there when you only received about 15 minutes of screen time. So don’t even try to tell us there wasn’t a future Deadpool plan in place.

One superhero franchise per actor, that’s the rule. Instead of just standing pat and counting your money from that, you had to go out on a limb and take on another comic book franchise in Green Lantern. Everyone probably told you that you were crazy for doing such a thing, which is probably why you did it. Hey, that’s fine, I completely understand that rationale.

But perhaps you didn’t realize the long-range effects of making such ground-breaking inroads on the face of current cinema. You, Ryan Reynolds, have started some kind of trend. You’ve made it OK for actors to play two different comic book characters — no matter how bad they were the first time around. The tabbing of Chris Evans to play Captain America — just three years removed from his “work” as Johnny Storm in the last Fantastic Four movie — was made possible only by the national acceptance of you as both Deadpool and the Green Lantern.

You didn’t see Hugh Jackman trying out to play Batman, did you? Or Tobey Maguire looking to muscle out Edward Norton from his stake in The Hulk? No!

this is good punishment, having to wear that stupid mask

this is good punishment, having to wear that stupid mask

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan. Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place? Completely underrated 90s sitcom, and Berg was easily the best part of it. Just Friends? Surprisingly the best new installment into the Christmas movie genre of the last decade. You even flashed some serious acting last year in Adventureland, where you captured the essence of the old guy still working a kids’ job. Geez, I even watched Fifteen back in the Nickelodeon day.

So it’s not like I’m picking on your work … even though I saw Definitely, Maybe. But past work aside, it’s all your fault we’re dealing with this Chris Evans situation and have to worry about the next superhero announcement. There is a team of Hollywood imps right now working on the contract details to get Jessica Alba signed as Wonder Woman. This opens up Eric Bana to be the next Superman even though he was at least partially responsible for ruining Hulk the first time around. Hey, Jeff Bridges won the Oscar this year — isn’t there a senior citizen comic book character he can play even though he already played the villain in Iron Man?

And that’s not even taking into account the people who got passed over for Cap that would have been somewhere close to 1 trillion times better than Evans. John Krasinski did everything but show up at the shooting in a Captain America outfit Sean Young style. Jon Hamm seems like he was put on the planet to play Cap. Instead, we get Chris Evans. Chris effing Evans! Am I the only one who saw Push (maybe)? Didn’t anyone else see London (no)?

if it screws things up at home, people will take notice

if it screws things up at home, people will take notice

There is a solution, Ryan. Don’t give up the jobs, no one is asking you to do that. And don’t go in and tank either/both of them to screw up some pretty cool comic book characters. But when you’re out promoting Green Lantern next year, and people start asking you about Deadpool, be sure to answer everyone the same way: “I can’t believe I thought this was a good idea!” Say how hard it is to keep the two straight, how it’s causing some early signs of schizophrenia and explain, in detail, how it’s taking a toll on your marriage to one of the hottest women in the world. Actually, say that last part twice, three times if you have to. Then it will really sink in.

That’s all we ask. Because right now, we’re treading on some dangerous ground we never thought we’d have to. And really, it’s all your fault.



Some links for the day:

i remember you! wait, never mind, no i don't.

i remember you! wait, never mind, no i don't.

It always sounds really swell when you’re able to nail down the original cast of a movie for a sequel that hasn’t had an installment in 10 years and filmed the original 15 years ago. Then you hear that original cast is Neve Campbell, David Arquette and Courtney Cox in Scream 4, and you’re not so excited anymore. That just sounds like the cast of a 1996 horror movie and when you get them together for a 2011 horror movie, it sounds like a big joke. Nope. It’s true. Is that the scary part? If you’re checking the last time Neve Campbell made a movie you’ve heard of was 2000 — when she made Scream 3. Anyone who gets excited about this announcement is a chump. The one bright spot is that Kevin Williamson is writing Scream 4. Then again, I’ll be super-crazy-p!ssed if it takes away anything from Vampire Diaries (back Thursday with new episodes).

You know what’s really fun? Trying to read a recap of last night’s Lost episode without ever seeing an episode. It might as well be written in Swahili, I’d have just as much chance of understanding it. But it sure sounds like it was pretty important. I can’t wait to watch the finale in May and be completely Lost. Get it? That’s one of my favorite things to do, watch series finales of long-running shows I’ve never seen or gave up on pretty early. The last time I did that was The Shield, so it’s been long enough.

Calm down, everyone, you can rest at ease — the Wilhelm Scream will be in Iron Man 2. You may not know what that is off the top of your head — but you’ve certainly heard it. It’s a long tradition among sound people to get the Wilhelm Scream in as many movies as possible, and the new master of digital hype Jon Favreau has figured out another way to get his movie’s news out into the world.

Now here’s something you didn’t want — another Austin Powers movie. Can’t we just live with the first one constantly running in repeats? Since the second two are just rehashes of the first, they’re included in the previous statement about constantly running repeats.

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