McClane and Bauer — together?

Life is good when you drive in to work and hear Get It Together by Beastie Boys with Q-Tip, Sublime’s What I Got, Carly Simon’s You’re So Vain, I Alone by Live and The Reflex by Duran Duran pretty much all in a row. So I’ll try and keep this happy today and give you some extra links because I’m on vacation next week and won’t have the chance to blog at all. We’ll get all caught up again on June 22 when I get back.

Also, just wanted to say that thanks to some requests, we’re going to be doing a monthly PopRox chat on the first Friday of every month just to get some interaction going. More details will be on the way. The first one is scheduled for July 2, a perfect time to talk about summer movies so far, the Rescue Me premiere and some summer music.

hey jack, come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs ...

hey jack, come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs ...

... copy that, john.

... copy that, john.

This is a good place to start the happy, even though it looks like it’s not happening. In fact, when I hear news of this ilk, I feel like Homer Simpson when he gets excitedly nervous about something. I physically get up from my desk, start spinning around and flailing my hands while saying rather girlishly, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God …” Does that make me a little weird? Maybe. But I would think it would be weird for anyone who didn’t do that when they found out there maybe/kinda/possibly been a plan to get Jack Bauer and John McClane together for a movie. Some people get excited for Alien-Predator, some people wait for a Hulk-Wolverine crossover. Me? I’d just about crap my pants if two of my five (conservatively) favorite pop culture characters ever got together for a movie. On the other hand, it might be another sign of the apocalypse, because even though it would be fictional, I think it would be tough for the world to contain the awesomeness of Jack and Mac together for any amount of time.

At first, when Tom Cruise confirmed a Les Grossman movie, it looked like a total blow-off answer to an overzealous reporter that wouldn’t leave him alone as he did everything but put on a pair of track shoes to run away from said reporter. “Yeah, yeah, we’re making Les Grossman, whatever, you’re blocking the door I need to go in.” Apparently it wasn’t BS though, as Cruise is ready to start that Les Grossman movie. But, umm … why? There was a ton of talk about Cruise’s role in Tropic Thunder to the point that by the time I saw it, I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for the next day anticipating my gut bustage. But I just didn’t find it that funny. I laughed, but I certainly didn’t think it was the end-all, be-all of comedy stylings. Some comedy in movies and TV improves with age because more people get exposed to it in reruns. It’s why Austin Powers finally got a sequel and why Family Guy came back to TV. But the Les Grossman part won’t improve with age because once it hits FX or Comedy Central, just about every word is going to get bleeped. That doesn’t sound very fun. Frank TJ Mackey — now there’s a smaller part Cruise should be revisiting. Although I gotta admit, I cracked up at the Robert Pattinson-Les Grossman skecth.

When your TV show gets canceled, you already feel bad enough. So the people of Past Life must be feeling like complete trash after their show got canned for a second time in four months. The show was supposed to burn off its remaining 10 or so episodes on Fridays this summer, but Fox has decided to pull it in favor of repeats of The Good Guys (now officially a PopRox recommendation, btw). Apparently that idea was met with a rousing round of apathy from its Facebook fans who lauded the Past Life summer scheduling with a chorus of, “Oooooohhh, right, that show. Umm, maybe I’ll watch. On CBS, right?”

didn't you used to be indiana jones? like, before you sucked?

didn't you used to be indiana jones? like, before you sucked?

Three years ago, a year before Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull came out, I remember linking to a story so idiotic, so ridiculous, I only linked to it because I thought it was hysterical. I cracked up laughing just reading it. “Indiana Jones? Aliens? Ba ha ha ha! They wouldn’t dare  do something so stupid! Better make sure to link to this so I can go back next year when the movie comes out and show how stupid ‘net rumors are.” Then came the horror that was Crystal Skull. And the aliens. After I removed all of the sharp objects from my car before I drove home from the theater, I vowed not to take rumors like that very lightly. So here’s the latest on what could be the next installment of the Indy franchise. Don’t worry about how stupid it is. Just go with it and pray they concoct something better. Quick, I need a Raiders clip to get me back into the happy:

We could easily go with the whole, “Mr. T pities the new A-Team movie,” but let’s go another route, a little deeper. How about, “Mr. T complained he is deathly afraid of having to watch crappy movies, so the producers drugged him and forced him into the theater, and when he woke up he really, really hated the new A-Team.” No good? Well, that’s what I got. Actually, for some reason I find the vision of Mt. T, Dirk Benedict and Dwight Schultz all coming together to watch the new A-Team movie together and then critiquing it afterwards to be utterly hysterical. Benedict and Schultz have cameo roles in the movie, so I doubt that would happen. And maybe it’s sour grapes that Mr. T is the only living member who’s not in the movie. But with all these remakes, we need some kind of TV show like that. Are you telling me you wouldn’t watch a half-hour special of Ralph Macchio and Elizabeth Shue talking about how much the new Karate Kid blows? Yeah you would. Although both of them are getting somewhat decent reviews. I think the estimates ($32 million for Karate Kid, $30 million for the A-Team) are close. I would have said I thought Karate Kid was sure to be on top, until I saw it’s 2 hours and 20 minutes. You gotta be kidding me. What the heck is so important in this movie that it breaks the 2-hour mark? Does Jackie Chan cure cancer at the end or something? If you think this puppy can’t be wrapped up in an hour-45, you’re crazy. And if you don’t remember the theme song to Mr. T’s short-lived Saturday morning cartoon show, then I feel the need to educate. I have a challenge for you. If you’ve never seen this show, then I challenge you to watch this one-minute theme song, then leave a description of what the show was about in the comments. I seriously doubt you’ll have any clue.

I’m still thinking about the Justified finale from Tuesday night. That means it was good. But it wasn’t that good, because I haven’t started thinking about what will happen on the show next year. I’m pretty comfortable with the ending, and at some point, it will be on TV again and I’ll watch it. That’s the extent of my love for Justified.

coming back soon, you know

coming back soon, you know

Even though the Justified guy had approximately 3,452 percent more information about the upcoming season it hasn’t even started writing yet that Matthew Weiner did about the upcoming fourth season of Mad Men, I still feel the need to make you at least aware that it is coming back soon. Why is this show so shrouded in secrecy all the time? To fans of this show, you could give away the end of the season and I’d still watch. In fact, if you told me around this time last year that Betty would find out about Don’s past and confront him on it, I would watch and encourage other people to watch. Actually, I do that already. But I bet other people would do it too.

This isn’t news because it was already widely speculated enough to make it near-fact, but the final Twilight movie is going to be broken into two pieces in a quest to squeeze every single, last dime out of the franchise before they run out of source material. Normally, I’d say this whole thing is pretty greedy. But it’s not like this was ever really considered art. No one involved ever said anything that would lead us to think these movies weren’t for one thing and one thing only — to make enough money so that 100 different people could buy their own Caribbean islands. So have at it, guys.

As long as we’re on the topic of vampires, True Blood returns this weekend. So there’s that.

extra burn notice for ya

extra burn notice for ya

Keeping the happy coming, if you’re a fan of USA shows, the CBS of cable has some good news for you. Burn Notice and Royal Pains, which were supposed to be only 15 episodes each, will now be 18 episodes and wrap on Aug. 26, just in time to let you free up your DVR for new fall shows. There is some bad news though — In Plain Sight is ending early. It was supposed to go 16 episodes, now it’s only going 13 because of some medical issues with the showrunner. It obviously doesn’t have anything to do with ratings, the show was #1 on cable Wednesday night. I’m still watching IPS, but it’s made its way to the bottom of my “to watch” list because Mary is becoming more annoying each week. I get that she’s neurotic and she likes things her way. But it’s not endearing — it’s pathetic in an “I wouldn’t want to ever spend more than 3.7 seconds with her” way.

So it’s not all happy today because I know exactly how these studios feel — I can’t wait for July 12 when the World Cup is over. I’m currently hunkering down for a month of once-every-four-years “Soccer is taking over!” stories, having soccer rammed down my throat when most of us would rather watch an arena football game than the World Cup championship, then laugh as a crowd of about 5,000 converges on an MLS game by mid-July. Soccer remains the grand champion of the most boring thing possible to watch on TV. I’d rather watch a Jon and Kate marathon. I played when I was a kid and thought it was boring. When I was 15, a bunch of my friends tried to get me to watch the World Cup when it was in America and it was somehow even more boring than playing. Just bear down and hold your breath knowing it will be over soon. Not soon enough, but soon. 

Still not down with a British guy playing Peter Parker, if that’s what’s going to happen. Just to even things up, we need to get Matt Damon to play James Bond. And he should do it with his Will Hunting accent. “Hey, eff you, Q, just give me the gawsh dahn gadgets in the cahr!”  Can’t embed it because of the nasty language, but for some reason, this made me think of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season. That’s a pretty good place to go on vacation.

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