Catch-Up Friday and the best movie montages

Right to the links, in somewhat lightning round fashion so you have time to have fun with the YouTube clips at the bottom. I know I had fun finding them:

here, please, just take my wallet. you can have it all. just don't do anything more to the star wars movies, please.

here, please, just take my wallet. you can have it all. just don't do anything more to the star wars movies, please.

Man, it’s been, like, what, a couple months since George Lucas announced his latest way to scam us out of money? We’re due for another one next week or something, right? Oh, wait, forget it. He’s now expediating his latest idea of converting the movies to 3-D and starting with by far the worst of the franchise. So hopefully that will do before he releases the uncut Star Wars version over the summer, with the only change being the stormtrooper not hitting his head on the doorthis time. The 3-D stuff is completely uninteresting to me, especially for Phantom Menace. Just when you thought Jake Lloyd couldn’t be any worse, he’ll be flying out the screen at you in that stupid video game pod racing BS. Can’t wait.

Kill Bill, the way it was meant to be. If you live in LA, at least. Maybe George Lucas will buy the rights to it and put out a different version every year.

Avatar 2 is underwater, at least that’s what Michelle Rodriguez says. And if she says it’s true, it must be, seeing as she’s a producer on the movie and probably talks to James Cameron on a daily basis about his movie that isn’t coming out for like three years or something. Wait, she’s not a producer? Oh well. Although after the reporter left, she said, “Wait, did I say Avatar 2? Shoot. I Meant Fast and the Furious 6, that’s what’s underwater. Or wait, was it actually the Lost reunion? Actually, I’m pretty baked, I don’t care.” At least that’s what I imagine happened.

It’s pretty simple, actually. When the Parents Television Council is against a show, that means the rest of us normal, rational, thoughtful people who know how to work a remote control and the parental locks on their cable boxes should probably think about supporting said show on the off chance it might make the PTC go away. For. Ever. It was bad enough when the council was just spreading messages of censorship, now it’s just blatantly lying.

Able to disappear from TV schedules in a single bound! From TV, yes, but The Cape can’t manage to disappear from Web. Even if we wanted it to.

Let’s set some odds right now, shall we? Mr. Sunshine gets picked up for a second season: Even. Rango makes more than $40 million this weekend: 3-2. Two and a Half Men comes back to CBS in September with Charlie Sheen back starring: 5-1. The Farrelly Brothers, hot off a critical bomb, a string of unsuccessful movies that’s now lasted more than a decade and sitting on a sought-after project that has had more stops and starts than I-80 in the summer, actually make a Dumb and Dumber sequel with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels reprising their roles: 1 million to 1. At this point we should probably start praying they can’t make it anyway.

TV??? poppycock! at least not until i officially have no movie offers left.

TV??? poppycock! at least not until i officially have no movie offers left.

Why does it seem like this isn’t the first time Elizabeth Hurley has been asked to do TV? Like, back in 2000 after a couple bombs and the whole Hugh Grant thing, TV producers were probably all over her to do TV. They might have even come to her with a Wonder Woman script. But you can almost see her telling her agent, “NO TV!!!!” as he brought great script after great script to her and she kept saying “Sure!!!” to things like Bedazzled. So if you start seeing stories about how much of a bee-yatch she is on the set of Wonder Woman in the tabloids, it’s probably true.

There’s a good chance Men in Black 3 is going to reach Waterworld status by the time it comes out next year. All we need it Will Smith to fire the director, finish editing the movie himself, start lashing out at people before the movie comes out and we’re all set. Just to get someone else on that list of stars who’ve torpedoed movies, Kevin Costner is probably texting Fresh Prince every night saying things like “director talking about you behind ur back — again” or “just saw the dailies, are you sure that’s how you want to look???”

Am I the only one who hears “Diane Lane,” and thinks of Steve Zahn screaming “Diane Dane! Diane Dane!” in That Thing You Do? I am? Crap. Anyway, it’s tough to get old. I still see Lane as Cherry from the Outsiders, and I’m sure she’d like to think of herself that way. Then again, if you’re an actress nearing 50 and you’re still getting big-money work in box office blockbusters, you’re probably happy. Just ask Shelley Long.

Normally, a list like this of the 10 best movie montages cheeses me off because right off the top of my head because I can think of 10 better that weren’t included and the three most important aren’t on the list. But the guy who did this one got it right. When I saw the headline, I immediately thought of four that had to be included, based on the quality of three things: the action, the movie and the music:

1. The All-Valley Karate Championship montage, Karate Kid, to You’re the Best

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oomCIXGzsR0

2. Basketball scenes from Teen Wolf, set to either Win in the End. Has to be the best montage of all time. My favorite part has always been the strut/bounce thing the Dennis Blundin-lookin’ Kobra Kai dork does at the 1:50 mark.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30sYk9B4OqU

or Way to Go (starts at the 3:20 mark)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIjfdh1169c

3. The “OK, it’s on” training scene from Rocky 4 set to Hearts on Fire by the immortal John Cafferty, without the help of the Beaver Brown Band.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SUzcDUERLo

4. Montage sequence from Team America World Police to the spoof song Montage (which I can’t find a clip of somehow)

Those four need to be on there at all costs, no matter what — and they are. Some others I love that are somewhat lost or unconventional from some of my favorite movies (I may add some later in the day too):

Helltrack qualifying in Rad, to Thunder in Your Heart

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lfwTEyVjzA

The baptism scene in Godfather to whatever opera song this is

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FaHZDzB8MA

The “Let’s get to work” montage in Real Genius to Number One

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wibqG9OCNj0

But just so you know, the worst abuse of the montage scene, the one that must have inspired the Team America people, comes to us from Revenge of the Nerds, the “Hey we’re cleaning our house!” montage. It’s been on a lot lately, and geez, what a black eye it is on this otherwise still hysterical movie. 27 years later, whenever I get a flush playing video poker at the casino, I still say “What the f— is a frush?” If it weren’t for that montage — which I can’t find a clip of anywhere, great job by all involved in eradicating it — it would have a chance at cracking my top 20 80s comedies. But because of it, no way.

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