Last of the Upfronts: The CW

still love the flying elbow

still love the flying elbow

Just got the news. Randy “Macho Man” Savage died in a car accident in Florida. You almost wanna say, “Whew!” that he died in a car accident instead of a drug overdose or steroid complications, but that’s pretty lame to think right now. Macho Man was in my top 5 wrestlers of all time, easy. He was the one wrestler my old man would actually watch because he had a crush on Miss Elizabeth. When wrestling was moving from less of a physical activity to more of an entertainment format, two people led the charge. Hulk Hogan and Macho Man. It’s impossible to argue that Macho Man was more responsible than Hogan for the popularity of wrestling in the 80s, Macho Man is 1A of the 80s generation of wrestlers. Even though he got his butt kicked by Peter Parker.

Don’t forget about the PopRox contest to win free concert and dinner tickets at Mount Airy on May 29. The concert is for Lost 80s Live, a concert with Animotion, When in Rome and The Motels. Hair spray and leg warmers should be available at the door.

the lost 80s at mount airy on may 29, we've got your tickets

the lost 80s at mount airy on may 29, we've got your tickets

Deadline to enter is Thursday, so make sure you get your entry in now. Here’s how you enter.

We’ve all made it through Upfront Week, and frankly, we’re better people for it. I think. What I do know is that we now know the fate of every show for the fall network season. So we can put that to bed for a while and take our normal break from TV after season finales next week.

The CW is up for analysis today, and if you want, you can go back and check the earlier ones:

NBC and Fox schedules

ABC and CBS schedules

CW

GONE: Life Unexpected, Hellcats, Smallville

BUBBLE SHOWS THAT MADE IT: Nikita, One Tree Hill

COMING IN: The Ringer, Secret Circle, Hart of Dixie, H8R

good to have sarah michelle gellar back. umm, right? isn't it?

good to have sarah michelle gellar back. umm, right? isn't it?

VERDICT: Pretty standard here. There was only one new network show that made it into my regular rotation this year (Raising Hope), but Nikita was close. It just kept losing the DVR battle with Fringe, and then by the time Fringe moved to Fridays, I had pretty much given up. Maybe if we get reruns this summer, I’ll try to catch up since it’s moving to an open Friday spot on my schedule. Hellcats was the second-worst pilot I watched last year (My Generation was easily the worst) and the most insulting, so I’m glad it never caught an audience. If nothing else, the CW’s schedule makes sense. 90210 paired with the new Sarah Michelle Gellar series The Ringer? Yup. Buffy was basically 90210 with vampires. Secret Circle with Vampire Diaries? Sure, they’re both supernatural Kevin Williamson shows. Moving Nikita to Fridays with Supernatural? Perfect. In fact I predicted that a couple weeks ago. Gossip Girl with the new series Hart of Dixie? You bet, since Gossip Girl is basically The OC East Coast, and Hart of Dixie stars OC alum Rachel Bilson. As a devout Buffy fan, you would think I’d be jazzed about a new SMG show, and, for a couple days, I was. Then I read the synopsis for the show. It read like a bad algebra problem I had no intention of solving filled with double lives, twins, dual roles, mafia, blah blah blah. But for some reason, I was intrigued by the trailer a good bit. Still not sure why, because it’s SMG at her whiny best. That woe-is-me version of her made me cringe in the last few seasons of Buffy when all she did was cry about her dead mother, her bratty sister, her vampire boyfriend(s) or her employment status. Maybe it will wear on me if I watch the show for a full hour, but for the trailer, I was able to tolerate it. And yeah, I even liked it.

Haven’t gotten a chance to check out all the trailers for the new shows yet, I’m hoping to get a chance over the weekend and come back with reviews. But if you want to check them out yourself and beat me to the punch, go for it at the sites for the new NBC shows, ABC, CBS, Fox and the CW. There, that should waste about an hour of your day.

Thanks to the upfronts and contests, it’s been a little busy around here so. Movie news has kinda slipped under the radar. It’s actually a perfect week for that to happen since the only new movie is Pirates 4 and I’d rather eat a goat’s nose than watch it. But one thing I’ve missed out on this week is Lars von Trier. Don’t think for a second I’m gonna fall into the trap of making any jokes or comments on what he said. All I’ll say is, as a director, the guy’s a hack. As a person, he’s just as bad, obviously. But we already knew that! He’s never been to America, says he never will, but had no problem releasing a trilogy of films that basically make the country look like a steaming pike of dog poop. Dogville is one of the most disappointing movies I’ve ever seen, nearly unwatchable in its egotistical excessiveness and overall lust for making America and Americans seem like the worst version of the devil. I cashed out on von Trier years ago. Good to see everyone is doing it now.

the anti von trier

the anti von trier

The complete opposite of von Trier is David Lynch. He loves the American experience. No matter how dark the guy is, he loves to pull back the curtain of hidden America and expose it for how bizarre it is. We love him for that. Maybe Lynch’s worlds don’t even exist. Maybe no one finds an ear in a field that leads them on some surreal Hardy Boys-on-crack investigation culminating with an oxygen sniffing Pabst Blue Ribbon lover. And maybe not every woman in the world has a doppelganger or leads a double life. But Lynch’s stories are distinctly American, even if they’re effed up American. Not that patriotism is a qualification to make you a good director. But when you have that kind of power over society to shape what they can believe, you have a certain responsibility. von Trier has abused that power. Lynch has perfectly parlayed it into a brilliant career. And if you’re paying attention, AMC’s The Killing has done everything except thank Lynch in the credits since it’s a more realistic version of Blue Velvet.

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