Superman or Sam Axe? You Decide


maybe he's supposed to be starring in the evil dead remake

maybe he's supposed to be starring in the evil dead remake

Wait, this is Henry Cavill as Superman? He doesn’t look anything like the publicity shots we saw when he was announced as the new Superman. He looks about 10 years older than he did then. He just turned 27, and he looks like he’s 35, easy. He looks like Bruce Campbell’s twin brother in that pic. Maybe he just needs a haircut. But so far so good on assembling a Man of Steel cast now that Laurence Fishburne is in. Fishburne, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon — that’s a pretty good jumping off point. My biggest worry is the release date. Warner Brothers is putting it out June 14, 2013, a pretty strange release date for what is supposed to be one of the biggest franchises in Hollywood. The summer dates a tentpole movie franchise are supposed to come out — Memorial Day and July 4 — are pretty bare right now. Memorial Day 2013 only has Fast and the Furious 6 and July 4 only has Despicable Me. If Superman moved to Memorial Day, Fast 6 would flinch and move somewhere else. On July 4, it would overtake Despicable Me. Get some cajones and schedule this thing like it’s the biggest movie of the summer. Because it is.

the gun's at your head, amc. your move.

the gun's at your head, amc. your move.

Great. Just when I get into it, the future of Breaking Bad is in doubt. OK, so it’s not really in doubt. There’s no way this show doesn’t get picked up for at least one more season somewhere on some channel. It’s actually a perfect fit for FX on basic cable or HBO or Showtime. It’s got a loyal, devoted audience that likely will follow it anywhere, so either pay-TV network would be glad to pick it up and gain a couple hundred thousand subscribers. If it truly was the last season of the show, I’d pick up Showtime for three months to watch it. If they showed it over the summer, then I’d probably say, “Well, after Breaking Bad is over, Dexter starts in a couple weeks, so maybe I’ll stick with it …” and the next thing you know I’m keeping Showtime for a couple years. Same goes for HBO, because after Breaking Bad would come Boardwalk Empire, then I’d be tempted to wait for Game of Thrones, and bingo, I’m a full-time subscriber. FX has to be chomping at the bit to take back their title of the edgiest basic cable TV network. That puts AMC is in quite the pickle. If they don’t cave, they’ve got a long line of salivating networks ready to jump all over this thing. It will get worked out the same way Mad Men got worked out, but if you’re a producer with a great show, you’ve got to be wondering about whether you should pitch it to AMC these days. Mad Men showrunner Matthew Weiner was painted as a greedy jerk when he negotiated with AMC, but now you’ve got to start thinking it’s the network, right? In the last two weeks, Frank Darabont left Walking Dead and then Breaking Bad showrunner Vince Gilligan is being hardlined by the network. Would you want to put up with that? FX, TNT, HBO and Showtime should be targeting these gifted producers like right now to put AMC in an early grave.

I really wish I could have went to Vegas a couple years ago and bet on whether Kings of Leon would break up by 2013. If you could do it in England, the Gallagher Brothers are pretty rich right now because they probably bet their life savings on it. The track record for bands of family members is terrible at best. The Beach Boys, CCR, Jackson 5, Oasis, Bee Gees — the list is pretty long of family bands that end up wanting to kill each other. My Chemical Romance and Radiohead seem to be a couple good exceptions. Watch out, 30 Seconds to Mars. You guys are next now that you’re getting out of the clubs and actually playing some big venues. Holy crap I swear I wrote that before I found this. In case you don’t know already, the canceled dates include all of the regional venues — Jones Beach, PNC Center and Susquehanna Bank Center. Why did I think they were playing Montage this summer? Guess it was just last year. Seems like the band is offering refunds though.

Someone should start some kind of Facebook page or Twitter campaign or something about making sure Clue never, ever gets remade. EVER. I completely realize the 1985 original has nothing but cult status, it’s not like the Smithsonian is going to come calling looking for Colleen Camp’s maid outfit or anything. But if there was ever an original that will be completely ruined by a remake, it’s Clue. But it’s one of my top 10 comedies of all time. To take it from a hysterical, campy, laugh-a-minute thinking man’s comedy to a movie international intrigue like Gore Verbinski is proposing would probably be one of the most depressing developments I could think of. Please. This is me down on my knees begging. Please don’t remake Clue. Maybe the movie was about five years too late to be considered having an all-star cast, but these were comedy pros honed in their craft that made it one of the most enjoyable comedies of my lifetime.

There is finally a better look at Avengers from the teaser at the end of Captain America. It’s about freakin’ time. When the frig is Marvel just going to go ahead and post the whole thing? Soon, right? Do we have to wait for the Captain America DVD or something? That’s the way to entice your fans. Frustrate them.

This is usually not the best place to look for news on 2.5 Men, but this Ashton Kutcher-Charlie Sheen is completely interesting to me. My opinion is that you can pretty much plug anyone into that show and it will be just as funny as it ever was, which means it still won’t be funny. But the people who do think it’s funny won’t miss a beat. Promise. Making Kutcher’s character an Internet billionaire is a stroke of writing genius because now he can just hang out at the house, drink and date hot girls all day while spouting out seemingly off-color remarks. Ba ha ha.

I’m not old enough to remember Bubba Smith playing football, so all I have to go on is the Police Academy movies and the Miller Lite commercials. Nothing wrong with that! I think it’s pretty funny that he was cool signing up for the first six movies, but jumped ship four movies too late and bailed on Mission to Moscow even though at least four of the originals decided to give it one more go. Was Mission to Moscow direct to video? I think it might have been. Maybe he was too big to be contained on the Police Academy small screen. His only other role I remember him in was on Married with Children as Al’s high school football rival. Their contest to see who was worse off in their post-high school glory days was classic Married with Children.

It appears the kitsch of Saved by the Bell is running out, as it is being pulled from the TBS morning schedule at the end of September. Nevertheless, if you think it will help, feel free to join in the Twitter campaign to save it. Me? I’m just thanking the world of DVD. Gotta imagine it will just shift over to ABC Family or something like that though. And if you never got on the Saved by the Bell bandwagon, perhaps you need some convincing with what is still the funniest SBTB scene ever:


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