Sorry Judd. No Oscar for You.

Remember when the WWF only had four pay-per-views a year, the ones that are still around and are still the major PPVs? Wrestlemania, Summer Slam, Royal Rumble and Survivor Series (in that order) — that’s the list. Everything else is gravy.

Well with all the new days people find excuses to go out, drink and party for, there are still only four that are really, really important and everything else is just gravy. New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s (Parade) Day, Halloween weekend and Thanksgiving Eve. That’s the list. So have a blast tonight, but please don’t get behind the wheel if you’re drunk. Please. I’m begging you here. I’m on my knees. That always could be your friend or family member in the other car.

No links for today, and there probably won’t be another post until Monday since I’m live Tweeting starting at about 8 p.m. Thursday from around the local Black Friday scene. So if you’re going to be out on Black Friday — or Brown Thursday Night, since so many places are opening even earlier this year — you can follow my Tweets at the PopRox Twitter page or at the hashtag #poconoshop.

Here’s the extended preview of Sunday’s column:

This started as a post to champion the idea of making a “Best Comedy” category at the Oscars.

maybe i'd take him more seriously if he completely took his name off zohan.

Judd Apatow complained about it this week. Others have in the past. Why should a whole genre of cinema be just about ignored by the Academy over its history? Even action movies get thrown a token bone every now and then (Avatar, Lord of the Rings trilogy), but comedy just can’t seem to make a dent.

How much is it ignored? At the past 10 Oscar ceremonies, there have been exactly zero broad comedies nominated for best picture. None. There is the argument that at least four of those have been “dramedies” — Lost in Translation (2003), Sideways (2004), Little Miss Sunshine (2006), Juno (2007) — but even if they are, how have those movies been treated in the pre-awards hype? They’re always considered “spoilers” and “upstarts.” They’re treated with kid gloves when people like Chris Connolly are on Good Morning America assessing their Oscar chances, the equivalent of being given a piece of candy, a pat on the head then being shuffled off to the Thanksgiving kids table. “The movie was just so precious, and audiences loved it, so you never know!

Only we do know. We know they’re not winning, simply because they’re funny.

The broad, well-reviewed comedies get the shaft, almost completely. There might be a best supporting nomination (Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder) here or a best screenplay nomination (Borat) there, but for the most part, forget it. Comedies are ignored by the Academy Awards.

But then I started thinking about it. I went back and looked at what a best comedy category would have looked like for the past 10 years, and came to the surprising conclusion that it’s impossible — totally impossible — to have a best comedy category.

It’s impossible because you can’t define what a “comedy” is anymore. It’s easy to find the biggest comedies of the last few years, the ones that ate up the box office and received good reviews. Here’s what the nominees in a best comedy category might have looked like at the 2011 ceremony: Due Date (overrated), The Other Guys (really funny to me, at least), Easy A, Hot Tub Time Machine (mildly funny) and Date Night (not funny). This is the list we’d change the Oscars for?

why does this picture make me want to punch something?

You know who has a best comedy category? The Golden Globes. Sure, they throw musicals in there, but still. Remember its nominees last year? The Kids Are All Right, Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, Red and The Tourist. That’s right, not one comedy in there. Not. One. Not only is there not one comedy, but there is only one musical! So that’s four movies the Golden Globes just chucked into the comedy category, presumably, because the voters couldn’t find any worthy comedies. And because they have some kind of hard-on for Johnny Depp.

This is exactly what a best comedy category in the Oscars would look like, and it’s all because no one has ever been able to really define what a comedy is. Look at 1999, where three of the funniest movies of the year were American Beauty, Being John Malcovich and Election. Who’s considering those as actual comedies? Comedy Central rightly shows Being John Malcovich every now and then, so maybe there is some universal acceptance of it subtle hysterics.

But if you had your choice between Malcovich and three other classic, hysterical, broad 1999 comedies — American Pie, Bowfinger and Office Space all of which received high grades on Rotten Tomatoes — which one would you consider an actual comedy that belongs in a best comedy category? Malcovich was my favorite movie of 1999, and even I’d think about keeping it out of a comedy category.

Until there are strongly worded hard and fast rules — no animation, no romantic comedies, no indies, etc. — there just isn’t any room for a best comedy category at the Oscars. So sorry, Judd. You won’t be winning Oscars anytime soon. Maybe that’s your punishment for unleashing Zookeeper on us this year.

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