This is a preview of Sunday’s PopRox column in the Pocono Record.
Have we all enjoyed the silly portion of Awards Season, reading all those really important stories about movies honored by such cherished and distinguished groups like the Kansas City Film Critics Circle Awards and the Online Film Critics Society Awards? Or the Golden Collar Awards?
No? Don’t worry. Things get super serious Tuesday when the Academy Awards nominations are announced.
But you don’t have to wait until then. Here are the 10 no-doubt-about-it, bet-the-farm, take-it-to-the-bank, I-can’t-stop-writing-cliches best picture nominees that will be announced Tuesday:
THE SURE THINGS
You know what would be a good joke? If either Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese were listed as the director for Jack and Jill or some other stinkbomb just to see if it would get a free pass to the Oscars. It probably wouldn’t work. Would it work? It’s a little scary that it might. Anyway, here are two movies that you wouldn’t necessarily associate either with, and both are getting their shots at Oscar gold. That’s not to say either isn’t a good movie — it just seems a little strange seeing Scorsese directing a children’s movie. Does that mean Wes Craven will direct the next Hangover sequel or something?
THE BORN LOSERS
Midnight in Paris
Thanks for playing, guys! They’re pretty much locked into best picture nominations but their producers are guaranteed to be giving the “It was an honor just to be nominated” interview at a post-party while double-fisting a Jack and Coke and a Heineken. They may be thrown a token award somewhere — both are lock nominees in the screenplay categories — but they don’t stand a chance up against the big boys that already have beaten them soundly at every other awards ceremony.
THE GOLDEN GLOBE SNUBS
Tree of Life
There seems to be a genuine “Aww, poor little movie” sentiment growing around “Tree of Life” since it’s getting shut out at just about every awards ceremony. Have those people pitying it forgotten about how the movie wasted a half-hour of everyone’s life silently droning on about creation, dinosaurs and the history of the world up until now? It’s only been a couple months! But since it will be forever categorized as “A slice of Americana,” the Academy is probably going to throw it the bone it doesn’t deserve. USA! USA! USA! And in the Year of Ryan Gosling, as it should forever be known, shouldn’t at least one of his movies get nominated?
THE WILD CARD
Congratulations, Judd Apatow. You may have whined your way to a best picture nomination by griping about how you want to see the Academy start a best comedy category. Hope you’re happy that you played that card now to get Bridesmaids nominated since it probably won’t be remembered as one of the five funniest movies of 2011 and is in the argument for most overrated movie of the year.