As Long as The Sequels Are Being Made, Let’s Make Good Ones

(This is a preview and extended version of the PopRox Sunday column that appears in the Pocono Record.)

It’s been nine years since we saw American Wedding, but that didn’t stop Hollywood from coming up with this weekend’s American Reunion.

Dumb and Dumber came out in 1994, but in 2013, we could see Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels come back for more.

Eddie Murphy is joining the cast of a Twins sequel — despite the first being released almost 25 years.

We can sit around and make crazy threats like, “I’ll never see a comedy again until Hollywood starts coming up with original ideas,” or we can all just get on board and enjoy the ride.

So this is me jumping on. But instead of dealing with overrated junk like Twins getting a sequel, let’s get the ball rolling on some other long-lost movies that deserve sequels:

your attitude is distracting mitch and that i won't have

REAL GENIUS 2: EVEN SMARTER

Starring: Val Kilmer, William Atherton and a bunch of smart people. On ice.

Premise: Thirty years after graduation, Chris Knight (Kilmer) has designed a revolutionary banking system, but it accidentally rips people off. That’s why the banks want it. And yeah, I just stole that premise from the “Touch” episode a couple weeks ago. The only person that can help? His old college roommate Mitch Taylor, who’s now a programmer at Microsoft and married to Jordan. His kid is a hacker, who, of course, gets in on the action.

Odds it gets made: 10 percent. Hollywood is already talking reboot, not sequel. And since Kilmer and villain Atherton are the only still-recognizable people in this movie, producers aren’t handing out blank checks to this idea.

awwww. the gang. love chunk's smile here.

GOONIES 2: THE NEXT ADVENTURE

Starring: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Martha Plimpton and Corey Feldman

Premise: Mikey and Brand haven’t seen each other in 10 years, but reunite for their father’s funeral. While packing up the attic, they find another treasure map that One-Eyed Willy left. Every one else has moved away — except for Mouth, who’s officially a townie and jumps at the chance to be included. Everyone brings their kids, too, of course, so we can make some more sequels.

Odds it gets made: 70 percent. Studios would JUMP at this if they had the chance.

see? they're in.

THE SECOND PRINCESS BRIDE

Starring: Fred Savage, Cary Elwes, Robin Wright

Premise: Now it’s Fred Savage reading the book to his son, and in the book, Wesley is training his 25-year-old hunky son Hunter to be the next Dread Pirate Roberts. Just then, the village is attacked by plunderers, and Buttercup and Hunter’s fiance are kidnapped. Now the adventure begins. Getting them back! Indigo is game.

Odds it gets made: 20 percent. It would be a money grab. There is no story good enough to get this done, and original writer William Goldman would probably put out bounties on anyone who tried.

lori loghlin's apex

RAD 2: MONGOOSE FOREVER 

Starring: No one important.

Premise: The BMX craze was finished 25 years ago — but one sleepy Colorado town won’t let it go. They decide to restart Helltrack and put up a $1 million prize to whoever wins. And wouldn’t you know it? Cru still lives there, and his son is quite the local BMX hero. You know, because wherever this town is the only place on the planet that still cares about BMX racing. Maybe Nicole Kidman even makes a cameo as her character from the early 80s HBO staple, BMX Bandits!

Odds it gets made: Amazingly, 50 percent. It will definitely be a direct-to-DVD release, but there has actually been an Internet clamoring for it to happen and rumors that it could.

yeah, yeah, yeah, we ****-in' know tom!

PCU: REVENGE OF THE PIT

Starring: Jeremy Piven, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Young, David Spade, Jon Favreau

Premise: Little Tom is all growned up now and he’s ready to send his own little man (Hutcherson) off to college, and of course Port Chester University is on his wish list. He takes his son on a campus visit, and guess who’s still the too-coo-for-school leader of The Pit? Droz, of course! The best thing about this idea is that it’s completely believable and utterly hysterical that Droz is still in college. Bad guy spade and Young have to be lured back into the world, but Droz? He’s still representin’. A C-story could be Gutter (Favreau) nice and clean and trimmed down taking his kid on a campus weekend, and Droz keeps trying to get the old Gutter back. It doesn’t happen until the movie-ending party, where Gutter rips off his shirt, takes a bong hit and crowd surfs.

Odds it gets made: Zero. But it’s fun to dream, right?

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