Your Weekend Fun Guide, with a Quick Word from Someone That Will Never Be a Sponsor

Some very quick local links on the way but at Cinco de Mayo time I’m always reminded of one thing — my distaste and general aversion for Corona beer.

if you can go limeless, more power to ya.

I feel the same way about Corona as I do about Blue Moon. Why do I need a piece of fruit in my drink to make it taste better? Beer already tastes great, why do we have to go and throw fruit into the equation? Blue Moon actually tastes good without the orange, but Corona is like some kind of man-made pee without the lime. I don’t like the taste of man-made pee. Never have. It’s always boggled my mind how people can drink it without the lime.

Then again, it’s boggled my mind even more than people think it’s OK to drink a beer, any beer, with any kind of fruit in it. Like it or not, there’s a stereotype attached to any guy that drinks beer with fruit. And it’s not a good one. You’re not tough, you’re not a real drinker, you’re effeminate, you’re barely a man. It leads to being called out by friends or even random strangers who can’t help but notice your beer with fruit. Guys like me — and, mind you, I have no idea who “guys like me” actually are — already are self-conscious enough going into bars with hundreds of people. I get the feeling like everyone is staring at me for some reason. There’s probably some psycho-babble reason for that, but strangely, when I go out, it only lasts about an hour, then fades. Hmmmm. Wonder why?

But if I’m already feeling that way, why would I want to drink a beer that has fruit in it, and call my masculinity into question for hundreds of others to see? It’s a silly stereotype, I know. You would think we’d be over that by now. But we’re not. I’m not. If I get a beer and the bartender automatically gives me fruit in it because that’s the only way the beer would be edible, I immediately think it’s pretty girly.

My sister-in-law Heather, a former drinking partner of mine at Front Row before she moved down to Virginia Beach, puts a slice of lemon in every beer she drinks because apparently it’s better for your kidneys or your liver or something. I don’t know the details, but she’s smart and healthy and teaches wellness, so I’m cool just believing her. She tried to explain it to me once, but I tuned out. She can get away with the lemon-in-the-beer thing, because she’s a girl. And even though she gets away with it from society as a whole, she doesn’t get away with it from me, or her husband or Scotty the bartender at Front Row (and still at Jock and Jill’s). We still bust her chops whenever she does it. Nevertheless, it’s pretty minimal, and as a whole, she gets away with it.

But if you’re a guy, try explaining throwing a lemon into your beer to your buddies. Or even to another girl on a first date. It would be like Seinfeld not eating meat when he dates Elaine’s cousin. “Just a lemon … just a lemon … just a lemon …”

So why is it acceptable to put a lime in Corona? Especially when there are literally hundreds of other beers available that don’t require a fruit to taste good? I understand the desire to drink Mexican beer on the American-Mexican drinking day, just like everyone wants to drink Smithwick’s or Harp on St. Patrick’s Day. I get it. But what about Dos Equis? For some reason, I only have it when I go to Mexican restaurants, but Dos Equis lager in my top 5 beers. And yet, I never buy a case of it, and never order it at any bar. Weird.

The easy answer is, it isn’t OK to do the fruit-in-beer thing. Not to me. Not if you’re a guy. Whether that’s my own misplaced societal hangup or whatever, it’s just not OK to drink a beer that requires fruit in it to taste good.

Now that I’ve sufficiently placed that idea in the back of everyone’s head, let’s have some fun tomorrow! As always, if you have an event coming up, email it to me, or send the PopRox Facebook page an invite. That’s how I get almost all of the events I throw in here:

fifth of may. i can figure that much out.

Of course the Blue Tequila in Minisink Hills is doing something for Cinco de Mayo, a two-day celebration tonight and tomorrow. I’d like to tell you what it is, but, umm, I can’t read their ad. At times like these, I wonder why I took Latin instead of Spanish. Latin has never helped me figure out who I can have fun for a weekend.

Flyin’ Blind is up at the Pourhouse in Mountainhome on Saturday for a show on May 5 — just in case you lose something in the translation.

3 is taking over Pocono Pub’s Cinco de Mayo festivities Saturday, with Mexican beer and food specials.

Trackside Station Grill and Bar is having $3 margarita and $2, umm, Corona specials Saturday. Went in there for the first time last week and was pretty impressed with the new set-up. Completely unrecognizable from Dansbury Depot, which is a good or bad thing, depending on your perspective. Got recognized twice while I was there, which was cool, and it helped me calm down before the Paul Dano thing at the Pocono Community Theater. One suggestion — a Megatouch machine. You can never go wrong with a Megatouch machine. Just give me a Megatouch machine! But $1 happy hour lagers (no fruit, thank you) qualify under “me likey.”

sharks, jets and basketballs, oh my!

Speaking of The PCT, the revival series is showing West Side Story at 6 p.m. Sunday. After talking with series creator and organizer Chuck Curry on Friday night, you can tell he and the people that go to these revival shows are passionate about movies. It’s gotta be a great atmosphere for movie lovers, I gotta get me out to one of them, although West Side Story isn’t doing it for me. I suggested a Hoosiers revival. That will get me out there.

Frankly, I didn’t know Paul Rodriguez still did comedy. But he’s at Cove Haven in Lakeville tonight. He was one of those really good 80s comedians that just couldn’t break out into a TV show or movie. I know I have some friends who will try to convince me that aka Pablo was a great show for its six episodes in 1984, but you get the drift.

I was offered to interview Survivor to publicize the band’s show at Penn’s Peak on Sunday, but after thinking about it for a long time … I turned it down. I just couldn’t think of any honest questions that I wanted to know the answer to where I wouldn’t come off sounding like I a total prick. Usually it’s fine because I can throw in some bland, publicity-only questions, but I don’t know if I could have done that with Survivor. The only things I wanna know about from Survivor are, “How come you weren’t asked back for the Rocky 5 soundtrack?” “Were you surprised that Burning Heart was the first single released off the Rocky 4 soundtrack, even though it was the worst song on the album?” “If you did a show without playing Eye of the Tiger, would there be a riot of people wearing parachute pants?” and so on. I didn’t want to be that guy. Sorry.

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