Counting Down to Breaking Bad, Wilfred and the End of Adam Sandler’s Career

Let’s see if we can keep this a little shorter than usual, I’m kinda pressed for time:

awwww. miter sandler, why do you keep making these movies and make me make faces like this?

Not gonna lie — I smiled when That’s My Boy tanked. Adam Sandler seems like a nice enough guy, and I shouldn’t want him to fail … yet I do. His movies are crap, and it’s a slap in the face to his fans for him to keep making these craptastic things. It’s exhausting even thinking of it. What makes it worse is watching him whore himself to every possible movie-viewing audience — broad comedy, family comedy, R-rated comedy, chick flicks and an occasional indie. How is he not signed on to play the villain in the next Star Trek movie to check “big-budget sci-fi” off the list? No such moral dilemmas with Rock of Ages underperforming. That movie looks like stir fried shat and I’ve already voiced my disapproval of its 80s-gone-bad soundtrack.

We’re four weeks away, so it’s pretty safe to say we can start counting down to the (final) season premiere of Breaking Bad on July 15. Not sure how they can or will top the Gus Face, but I got me an idea they’ll certainly try.

five seasons and a movie?

And of course, since the end is near for a great show like Breaking Bad, a show that may or may not be getting kicked out the door, we can start the ensuing talk about a Breaking Bad movie. But of all the silly, crazy, TV-to-movie talk for a billion other shows, wouldn’t Breaking Bad make the most sense? They’re just about done filming the last season, but it’s going to be drawn out over two summers. So if they set a release date of, say, September 2014, about one year from the series finale and completely doable production wise — wouldn’t that be something a studio would be interested in? Normally studios pass on TV show movies because too much time has passed between the finale and when the movie would roll out. That’s not what could/would happen here. It’s probably got to come together in the next two months to make it happen. That’s going to be hard. I’m not about to start a Twitter hashtag for a Breaking Bad movie or anything, but logistically, this one makes sense. The budget wouldn’t have to be big, either.

There are a few things in life I’m just going to have to sit back and accept. Baldness. The joke of the 2012 Philadelphia Phillies. There will be no new Kids in the Hall sketches in my lifetime. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t “lost” sketches that I’ve never seen before, which is kinda the same thing as new sketches! Remember the Simpsons episode where Homer sees the ad for the trampoline? That was me seeing the lost KITH sketches. “OH MY GOOOOODDDD!!! Kirf … Kiks …” And I sped off to the Internet knocking people down along the way. Really like this Kevin McDonald sketch, probably because that’s how I’ve felt on dates. “Can never achieve 1 or 2 … better be funny.”

More humor that’s only for certain people — the season premiere of Wilfred is available online right now before it airs June 28. It guest stars Sean Maguire … wait, never mind, that’s Robin Williams. Or is it Sean? I didn’t get a chance to watch the whole episode yet, but if Williams starts telling Ryan that it’s not his fault, or telling him about holding a dying man in his arms, well, I’ll probably be pretty mad. Also a quick guest turn from Rob Riggle, who sets some kind of record by guest starring on his 17,634th sitcom. And he only shows up on good ones! Is CBS just not returning his calls because he’s funny or something? Not to be outdone is suddenly career guest star Steven Weber, who I guess won’t get out of bed for anything anymore that doesn’t include the words “three-episode arc.”

We have reboots of franchises 40 years old. We have reboots of franchises 10 years old. Now? Perhaps we have remakes of franchises that are still going on. The rumor is swirling around that Twilight could be rebooted, but hopefully that won’t happen until, you know, the effing thing ends. It just took four years for the sequel to Dark Knight. Can you imagine if the Twilight series gets rebooted so that there is only two years between the end and the start of another? Pretty sure my head would explode.

C’mon, really. How do you make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles script that inspires confidence? Probably when it has a huge budget.

yeah, that's right. you loved the 80s. admit it.

For my money, there are three people responsible for the rise of pro wrestling into the mainstream. One is Hulk Hogan, who was the perfect face of wrestling. Two is Vince MacMahon, who designed that face to say and do what he wanted it to do. And three is Cyndi Lauper, whose career ascent coincided with wrestling’s, and she took full advantage of the confluence of timelines. She’s coming to Raw tonight. She probably didn’t think much of it when she hired Captain Lou Albano for her Girls Just Wanna Have Fun video, but next thing she knows, instead of just girls buying her albums, male wrestling fans are buying them too. Then she’s taking a prominent role in Wrestlemania … the lady played it perfectly. And so did wrestling, so it was completely symbiotic.  

I’d love to wake up roll out of bed and trip over my $80 bazillion dollars. But it ain’t happening. That’s about how I feel when Michelle Pfeiffer says she’d play Catwoman again if the producers asked her too. Predictably, no one asked Halle Berry jack squat.

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