A couple years ago I noticed a bar or two in Scranton started running “Halfway to St. Pat’s” parties on Sept. 17. My first thought? “Wow, what a fantastic excuse to get poop-faced for no reason whatsoever and waste money at a bar on a night when I wouldn’t even think of going out.” Apparently I wasn’t the only one, because now they’re all over, and they’ve made their way to Stroudsburg. Here’s my view on Half Way to St. Pat’s: If you’ve ever complained about Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day or Secretary’s Day as being made-up BS holidays that exist only to make Hallmark and the flower companies money, than you are not allowed to partake in Halfway to St. Pat’s. Because that’s what this is, a made-up holiday to make money for the bars. Which is fine, if there’s one place I’ve never minded spending money, it’s at a bar. Well, that’s not true, because I can’t stand bars that charge more than an acceptable amount for beer, and there’s quite a few of them around here. But you get the drift. Here are some of those specials this weekend:
Johnny O’s in East Stroudsburg is doing it up this weekend for HW2SP, with Irish food and drink specials all weekend. Saturday is the big day, they’re having the regulars from the real St. Patrick’s Day stopping by: Pocono Pipes and Drums will be there, and so will the McElligott Irish School of Dance. The dance squad will be there around 6:30. If nothing else, HW2SP is an excuse to see kids come into a bar and entertain drunk people, who love every second of it. I should know, I’m one of them. The kids can complain about it to their therapists when they’re in their 40s.
Paddy Kenny’s in Blakeslee is doing the HW2SP thing this weekend too, with Irish food specials all weekend through Monday, which is actually half way. But since Monday is an awful bar night, most places just go with the weekend date, giving more credence to the whole made-up holiday argument. Anyhoo, Paddy Kenny’s isn’t immune to the weekend thing, doing their usual happy hour specials all day Saturday. Now that’s how you get me drunk, happy hour all day.
Grace O’Malley’s/Jock & Jill’s is kicking it with HW2SP on Saturday, with the Guinness girls, who I think only make two appearances all year, Irish whiskey specials and prizes and giveaways. Poor Guinness girls. They’re certainly happy about the advents of HW2SP, they get an extra day to come out of hiding.
So if Grace O’Malley’s is doing it, then you’d imagine Siamsa is doing it too — and you’d be right. Siamsa isn’t listing its specials or its entertainment on it’s Facebook page, but did make sure to mention (again) that it’s the “ONLY truly authentic Irish bar in Stroudsburg.” I love when they do that, shooting those written Irish darts down the street in the direction of Flood’s and Grace O’Malley’s. Although I’ve been to Ireland, and just about every bar I was in, and I was in my fair share of them, look exactly like bars over here with nicer wood. And if someone did duplicate the truly Irish bar experience, I probably wouldn’t go there because they turn the TVs off and everyone sings in front of a fireplace. It’s like Boy Scouts with beer. Which I found a little weird.
What’s going on at Flood’s for HW2SP? No idea. Because they STILL don’t have a Facebook page or website.
Here’s one I don’t get all the time, but I’m glad to put up. Sweet Charity Band, which if I remember correctly is a band that takes all of the money it makes and gives it to a sponsoring charity at each gig, is going to be at the Silver Lake Tavern in Dingmans Ferry tonight. Can’t lie — this would be the first time I’m hearing the words “Silver Lake Tavern.” But welcome to the Weekend Fun Guide! See how easy? Send a Facebook invite, get promoted.
Wanna see another example? The boys of Big Things have two gigs this weekend, tonight at the Beltsville Inn in Kunkletown and tomorrow at Whispers in Stroudsburg. Both shows are starting at 9 p.m., which I see is becoming a trend. Sure, you wanna get bands to start at 10:30 or so and make sure everyone is there and drinking and spending til closing time, but for some crowds, you just have to make an exception. If I’m out til 2:30, I’m paying for it physically, mentally and parentally the next day. I just can’t do it anymore, not without consequences. And you know what sucks? Consequences. Of course this is coming from the guy who just joined an after-hours club and has gotten kicked out of there at 3:30 a.m. twice in the last month. So as usual, don’t listen to a word I say.
The Lounge in Bartonsville is doing a Sexy Stiletto party on Saturday, with the contest running from 9:30 to 11:30 p.m. The sexiest heels of the night win a free Coach bag, which I guess is awesome or something. Of all the things I don’t understand about women, purses are probably #1 on my list. Then again I’m the guy who had a Velcro Eagles wallet until I was about 24, and wouldn’t have gotten rid of it EVER but my girlfriend at the time said it was a deal-breaker. Growing up blows. Also, I’d like to point out said contest does not say anything about whether it’s confined to women or not, so have at it guys. If you win, it will be just like when Screech won the Miss Bayside Pageant.
The Hideaway Lounge in Stroudsburg is doing a free wine tasting event tonight starting at 6:30. I’m not a wine person, per se, but I am, in fact, a “free alcohol” person. Full disclosure — on Sunday I went to the Renaissance Fair down in Lebanon, a place I never thought I’d ever go. They nickel and dime you worse than Dorney down there, everything is for sale, hardly anything is free. I thought they were gonna charge me to go into the bathroom. However, they did have free wine tasting of like 10 different wines, and I made sure to get most of them. I barely liked any! I do like a bunch of wines, but apparently not at the Renaissance Fair.