Your Poconos Weekend Fun Guide

Remember, if you want to see your upcoming event previewed here, email me a description or send me a Facebook invite. On with The Guide, which I’d like to think was what Elaine was really reading on the subway when she was hit on by Ted from Scrubs.

the cover photo for my new book, "how to get me to go to oktoberfest"

Now this is more like it! Oktoberfests actually in October! An idea so radical it just might work for Fernwood, which is holding a two-day event Saturday and Sunday, and Barley Creek, which is hosting its fourth annual event Saturday. Both have some charity involved, as Fernwood is doing fundraising raffles for Bushkill Outreach, and Barley Creek will be raising money for the Tri-State Troopers fund. A $10 admission goes to the fund. The Jim Roberti Trio is playing Barley Creek, because, you know, it’s Barley Creek and he’s Jim Roberti. The party goes from 3 to 9 p.m. Saturday. The Fernwood is a little more of a classic Oktoberfest event, going from noon to 10 p.m. on Saturday and noon to 9 p.m. Sunday. It includes contests, family activities for children, and is $8 for adults, $4 for kids and 4 and under are free. There’s only one problem, one that I continue to harp on. Doesn’t anyone keep an eye on everyone else’s events? A month or two ago we had, like, three major fundraisers all on the same day, ones that have been established for a couple years and ones that all included the same things — beer, food, music. Which are three great things! But when they all get scheduled on the same day, you’re making people choose between equally good causes. “What, you think Special Olympics is better than cancer research? What kind of a monster are you?!?!?!” Oktoberfest is a little trickier since there are only four weekends you can have it on, or nine if you count the groups that have Oktoberfest in September (I covered that already). But as far as I can tell, no one did a drinking-specific Oktoberfest in the Poconos last weekend, and at a quick glance, I don’t see any scheduled for next weekend either. I renew my assertion that we need some kind of event approver around here. If you’re looking to have any kind of major event, you have to call the event approver first to save the date. Otherwise, you’re SOL.

get in on all the beasts of the southern wild talk before oscar time

The Black Bear Film Festival kicks off year 13 tonight, and has a couple pretty good movies on the docket you might wanna check out before they hit video in a couple weeks. One in particular you haven’t heard about unless you’re really, really paying attention is Beasts of the Southern Wild. If you don’t know about it already, it’s the movie that is gonna make millions of people say, “Whhhhaaaatttttt???” when it’s announced as an Oscar nominee for best picture in a couple months. My Sister’s Sister won’t be getting any Oscar buzz — maybe Spirit Award? — but it’s in my queue and ready to be shipped when it comes out on DVD on Nov. 6. There also is an opening night gala dinner tonight at 6 p.m. at the Milford Theatre and a weekend-long showing of local and smaller movies in the Black Bear Salon at St. Pat’s.

There’s the fine line to walk between underground phenomenon and money-making idea. That’s what fans of zombies are dealing with now. Five years ago, it was a bunch of goth kids who can’t stand being in the limelight who traded theories about how and when the zombie apocalypse would happen. Not could, would. Then came The Walking Dead (premiering Sunday) which zombie fans loved, only they loved it a little too much. Now everyone wants to cash in on the zombie thing, which some people will say is great because it brings all these weirdos together to talk about zombies instead of holding secret meetings at the cemetery at 3:30 in the morning. Others will bemoan the fact that they can’t even eat a brain at one of these things without getting elbowed in the back of the head because it’s too crowded. Anyway, judge it however you want, but Split Rock is hosting a zombie event Saturday that includes a zombie dressing party, a kid zombie walk and an adult zombie walk. Post-adult zombie walk, there will be an adult-type party at Benchwarmers in the Lodge from 8:30 p.m. to 12:30 p.m. with Long Time Comin’ playin’ at the bar.

I think I consider myself a pretty confident guy when it comes to wearing just about anything. And I’m confident in my own sexuality. So why do I still have a problem wearing pink? I’m not even sure if I could do it for charity, that’s how pathetic I am, that I don’t know if I’d even be comfortable wearing it at The Lounge tonight for a Susan G. Komen breast cancer fundraiser. Drink specials, raffles, 10 percent off food, the whole nine yards. Now, the pink thing. I think I had one pink shirt in my whole life, a pink polo when I was in, like, seventh grade that I bought myself because it was on a major sale and buying my clothes was my responsibility since I was, like, 11. I thought it was kind of snappy, actually. But I took a good amount of heat for it, from girls and guys, and I think after that I shut the pink attire down. And now I go ahead and bust the balls of the guys who wear pink as some kind of deflection/coping mechanism. So yeah, I’m pretty weird. Let’s just leave it at, “Hey everyone should go out and support this cause tonight!”

Latin Night at Sticks N Stones tonight in Marshalls Creek starting at 9, which thankfully isn’t a bunch of people sitting around saying, “Veni, vedi vici” or “Mihi nomen es Michael.” Yeah, I took five years of Latin, and that’s about as handy as it comes in right now. No, this is all about dancing and stuff, although the only Latin dancing I’d be able to do is the Victor Cruz salsa. Even that’s a reach.

from last year's event

In addition to dancing, drawing is something I just can’t do. I’m certifiably, awesomely bad at drawing and gave up any attempts at it a long, long time ago. But I’m always wildly impressed by people who can draw, which makes the 12-hour Comicthon marathon drawing session at ESU on Saturday so completely intriguing to me. To just sit with a bunch of people in a room for 12 hours and draw comic books? C’mon, that’s pretty cool. Unless you think comics are dorky, in which case 1. you probably don’t think it’s that cool and 2. you’re probably reading the wrong blog.

Looks like Siamsa is getting rid of live music at least for time being, which blows. I’m the most miserable prick in the world if I end up at a bar with a DJ, unless that DJ is playing a mix of old school rap, 80s British invasion and somewhat current alternative hits. So basically, unless I hear EPMD’s Rampage followed by Wham’s I’m Your Man topped off with Helena Beat by Foster the People, forget it. Since I have yet to find a DJ willing to play that admittedly eclectic combo, then you probably don’t wanna hang out with me at a bar with a DJ. So might have to avoid Siamsa for a while. Although if you’re a local DJ willing to hit that little playlist up, let me know and you can bet I’ll be there. But since I bet people would have trouble listening to it right now, no DJ in their right mind will play this. Go ahead, try it! I triple dog dare you.

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