Let’s All Stop the “Bond is Back” Stuff. Please. Pretty Please.

Short one today, but just remember to thank a veteran:

hey, did you know bond is back? completely back? well he is. bond is back. he's back, folks. back.

You know what the worst play on words is that we’ve heard about 8 gazillion times for the last week? “Bond is back!” Two reasons: 1. It’s corny and overplayed. The quote whores of movie reviewers (the people who write things in their review purposely to get their quote on the commercial or on the poster or Blu-ray case) all use it, the TV people use it, everyone uses it, and it’s stupid. It makes me cringe every time I hear it. Get original, people! 2. When taken literally, it’s obvious. Of course he’s back, he has a new movie. We all know this. 3. This isn’t the first time it’s been used. How many times, really, can we use it? They use it every stupid time there is a new actor playing Bond, and Quantum of Solace was so colossally stupid and the franchise was in such disarray with the MGM sale that Daniel Craig gets his second time to hear the “Bond is back!” BS. So let’s put our heads together try and think of some alternatives, OK? OK. Here’s my offering: “James is juiced!” Let’s see if we can make that catch on. But since it also is stupid, feel free to leave some ideas on the Facebook page.

It’s a day that ends in “y” so we’ve got some Star Wars rumors. J.J. Abrams has taken himself out of the running for the director’s chair, probably because Paramount (the production company behind the Star Trek franchise) was holding him down with the Goldfinger laser heading toward his nuts when he was talking to the reporter that finally tracked him down. That was insanity to think Abrams could ever get out from under Star Trek to do Star Wars. Quentin Tarantino took himself out too, and he finally said what everyone else was thinking, along the lines of, “Disney’s gonna eff this up something rotten” and managed to take a nice little shot at the nonsense that is Simon West. Spielberg’s out too, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s good news. But we do have a writer, and it’s a fun little choice — Michael Arndt, writer of Toy Story 3 and Little Miss Sunshine. Apparently, the guy is a Star Wars freak, too. So it’s like handing the keys over to a fanboy. Actually, it is handing the keys to a fanboy.

Holy crap what do we have to do to kill The Killing? We didn’t watch the last season, no one did. Shouldn’t that be enough? It usually is, right? Oh wait, it’s an AMC show, which rightfully goes for prestige. So the second season must have won a whole bunch of awards, right? Umm, no. Well then it must have been at least nominated for a bunch of Emmys? Strike three. What am I missing here? Does someone have a gun to someone else’s head? I’m not even sure I want to live in a world where The Killing gets a third season.

I’ve always been of the opinion that nothing, NOTHING, is off the table in comedy. Maybe you’re going to offend someone, maybe someone will walk out of your show. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taking chances in what you think may or may not be funny. If you can say it with your buddies 10 beers into a Saturday night, then you can say it on stage as a stand-up comedian. So there’s nothing wrong with joking about Sandy. I actually don’t think there’s been enough joking about it. When you get down to it, most people were inconvenienced, nothing more. Yes, there were some deaths, but not enough to put a moratorium on joking. I have no idea what the number of deaths is that you have to pause to think about whether you should joke about it, but I know it wasn’t the Sandy total.

Sweet! Someone finally poked fun of my least favorite thing in movies/sitcoms, the old, “He’s right behind me, isn’t he.” What’s even better is the double shot of City Slickers, because apparently the line wasn’t stupid enough the first time around, so Billy Crystal decided to hit it up a second time.



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