Kathryn Bigelow Agrees with Me. Or Me with Her. Or Something.

Wednesday links, because I haven’t done that in a while, sorry:

thanks katie! i mean, kathy! never mind, thanks ms. bigelow.

I feel a good bit vindicated. After I left Zero Dark Thirty with my wife on Sunday, she was doing most of the talking because she LOVED it. After a while I said, “I think it was a pretty harsh commentary on women in the workplace and feminism overall.” When I say things like that, I’m looking for my wife’s approval because she’s much smarter than me and much better at the deep-meaning stuff than I am. Her response? “No, I didn’t get that at all.” Crap! Well guess what, you know who did? Kathryn freakin’ Bigelow, that’s who! There were just too many instances of pointed direction and personal transformation for it not to be a feminist movie. For some reason though, me and Kathy — that’s what I call her — are the only ones who got it.

Lots of movie release dates out in the last few days for major franchises. Muppets 2 (March 21, 2014), Jurassic Park 4 (June 13, 2014) and Pirates of the Caribbean 5 (July 10, 2015) all received their first release dates this week. We knew Muppets 2 was coming sooner or later, just without Jason Segal involved, which is a crying shame and a fail on Disney’s part not to throw gobs of money at him to come back. He OWNED the reboot. I’m a Muppets guy, it was the one show growing up that everyone in my house — including parents — could agree on to watch together. I know every corny line, every guest star, all that good stuff. And if I would have pictured my dream Muppets reboot, it would have looked EXACTLY like Segal’s version. Not one word would have been different. And yes, you read those last two correctly, there will be a Jurassic Park 4 next year and Pirates 5 in 2015, otherwise known as “potentially the biggest movie summer in the history of the world and universe.” That 2015 lineup has Avengers 2 and Pirates 5 for sure, most likely Star Wars 7 and quite possibly Justice League. If anyone else is developing action movies for summer 2015, they might wanna put the brakes on and think about moving to 2016. Or you can do like what is probably going on with Jurassic, which right now only has a script. Churn it out quick and get it into 2014 before you get swallowed up by everything else in 2015. But don’t go getting excited for a 3-D re-release of Little Mermaid, that ain’t happening.

if you don't think happy endings is funny, we probably can't be friends.

I’m not sure whether to be majorly cheesed off at ABC for burning off episodes of Happy Endings and Don’t Trust the B on Sunday nights, or be encouraged that they were trying to find the show a new audience to enjoy these really, really funny shows. I can understand the theory of giving it new exposure … but did it have to be new episodes? Couldn’t they put reruns on there? Like, hold fan voting for the four best episodes or something and run them over a month weeks until ABC had its next 10 p.m. Sunday show ready. Wouldn’t that have worked and got basically the same ratings? Instead, ABC has pissed off the admittedly small but loyal fan bases of these shows, and wasted three episodes that could have extended the shows’ runs into May. Now they’ll be gone by March, then cancelled before next year because of this gaffe. Yeah, it’s a gaffe, I’ve decided. Stupid ABC ruining these shows. Although one more year of Happy Endings may be able to get it into syndication, so maybe it will get renewed. B, however, looks like it won’t be back next year.

Today in news no one wanted to hear, and those who might have wanted to hear don’t really care anymore: The Killing will come back for a season 3. I don’t even think I have the energy to care enough to rip AMC for bringing it back. I’ve wasted enough time getting worked up about The Killing for two lifetimes. I’m done. Go ahead and watch if you want, but there is a good chance you’re going to be disappointed, and very likely sad after you’re done watching.

For some reason, it seems pretty comical that NBC would decide to do a birthday party for Betty White every year, doesn’t it? Then I realize that every joke I can think of (“She’s so old, we’re gonna keep doing it until she dies.” Pause for laughter, then interrupt, “So this will be our last one … if we even make it through this one!” Ba ha ha) is going to be exhausted in the first five minutes and then they’ll be filling space with Bob Saget further trying to convince the world he’s actually a really dirty guy and not Danny Tanner. Fun!

really. watch it.

Those who have hung around here long enough know I’ll pimp Workaholics at the drop of a hat, so since its season premiere is tonight, here’s your official notification: WATCH THIS SHOW!!! That is all. Wait, that’s not all. You should watch it because there’s a good chance it’s the funniest show on TV, and definitely has the potential of being the funniest show you’ll see in any week. So watch it and love it and thank me some other time.

These kinds of stories make me angry, like “Jack Reacher unlikely to get sequel.” Read it. Go on, I’ll wait. Done? Good. did you see any sources in it? Any quotes from studios or Cruise representatives? No? Whew! Neither did I, but when I read it and realized websites were picking it up all over the place, I thought, “No way can a story like this only be a theory, can it?” Yup, it’s a theoretical story and nothing else. These are the kinds of stories that give blogs bad names, because people write it with such authority people swallow it like tripe. At least on this blog, we have an understanding — all of this is my theory. I have no sources, no contacts, nothing. But when people try to write around the fact that it’s only theory in a blatant attempt to deceive the readers, it drives me bonkers. Everything in the story makes complete sense and sounds totally logical. But it’s a theory, nothing else. If I knew stuff like that got picked up, I can do 10 stories like that a day.


Some of you started coming around here because I used to be very diligent at keeping up with what shows were being canceled and what ones were coming back. Admittedly, I’ve gotten away from that. Sorry. I’ll try to keep up with it better, promise. As a measure of good faith, how about this — Lifetime has canceled Drop Dead Diva. That’s a show I’ve never watched, never would, couldn’t name one person on it and would probably rather become a contestant on Killer Karaoke than watch Lifetime in general. So if it’s mere mention here doesn’t show you I’ll try to be more dutiful, than I don’t know what will. Other than going on Killer Karaoke, whose stunts are bad enough, but then you have to actually pretend Steve-O is funny and/or entertaining. Neither is true.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. Fox is just now ramping up the marketing for The Following? Holy nuts, what  have they been doing for the last two three months? You can’t turn on a Fox show or a Fox OnDemand show, or an FX show without seeing at least one commercial for The Following. So what, are they going to start doing three every half hour? I’m not sure, they might be doing that already. It’s almost gotten so bad I’m not going to watch it out of spite. I thought Alcatraz was bad last year, but The Following has got to be the most promoted network show I’ve ever seen.

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