Your Poconos Weekend Fun Guide: Tatts, Tickets, Syllabus Week and More …

Next week for the Fun Guide will be the Super Bowl edition. If you’re a local bar having an event or just anyone having an event for the Super Bowl you want publicized, get the details in to me and I’ll make sure to include it.

sarah miller of the spike tv show ink master will be part of the sherman's rock n ink expo

The Sherman Theater is doing a three-day Rock N Ink Expo tattoo festival starting today with bands everyday, celebrity tattoo artists, all that good stuff. One of those bands is This Way to Egress, which will be playing tonight and Saturday at the festival. I’m not a tattoo guy for at least three reasons: 1. Guilt if I got one over what my parents would say. Yup, I’m about to turn 38. 2. I’m ridiculously Irish white-skinned, especially in the winter, and that’s not a good look for tattoos. 3. Fear for what it would look like in 30 years. I honestly think the profession with the most future growth potential in this country is tattoo removal expert. There are going to be millions of 50-year-olds and above starting in about 2025 who are going to start talking about grand kids and saying, “What the eff was I thinking putting a flaming skull in my cleavage???” and the money is just going to start rolling in. I know exactly what I’d get if I ever did get one — a red Phillies “P” on the back of my shoulder — but I’ve just never had the stones to pull the trigger. I’d imagine that train has probably left the station by now.

You’ve heard of this somewhat new thing where breweries try to pair the perfect craft beer to go along with your meal? Like wine people do? That’s got to be pretty hard, right? Well how about this — the ShawneeCraft Brewery at the Shawnee Inn is hosting the first of its Rhythm and Brews music series, where it will pair the perfect beer with the music the bands are playing.the bands are from Jersey, the Quimby Mountain Band and Only Living Boy. I … I don’t know how you go about this task. But wouldn’t it be fun trying? “Nope, that’s not it, gimme another … nope, not that one, let’s try again … Man, those first 10 didn’t pan out, but let’s hope this is the one!” No one goes home disappointed or without cab fare that night.

umm, ok.

Don’t look now, but it’s the summer convert season creeping up on us! I have no idea whether it was planned this way or not, but is there a better time than this week to start announcing summer shows? “Hey east coast, it’s 2 degrees right now, but in six months, when our concert rolls through, it’s gonna be 85 and sunny. You interested?” Yes, yes I am interested. Normally? Maybe not so much in shows like The Roots annual summer festival show in Philly, or the MMR-B-Q concert that features Alice in Chains, Soundgarden and Cheap Trick. Wait, really? That’s the lineup? Why does that make me think of this? And it’s not all outdoor summer shows going on sale this week. If you hurry, maybe you can head over to the Sherman for tickets to the Bullet for my Valentine show on May 19. They wet on sale at 11. If you’re more of a fan of the 60s, tickets to see The Zombies at Penn’s Peak on June 20 go on sale Saturday. I’m sorry, I’m still stumped. Should people who once dressed like this share a bill with Alice in Chains?

never seen it. still funny.

For as much as people think Sinbad was a major star of the 90s, and he probably was since he passes the “Say His Name and Everyone Knows Who He Is” test, he should probably be more known for his stand-up — which he’s bringing to Cove Haven in Lakeville on Sunday. I just looked over his filmography, and, umm, it’s a little shabby. I’ve seen exactly one of his movies (Necessary Roughness) and I can honestly say I purposely went out of my way to avoid everything else he did. How did he not get one half-way decent role in the 90s? And what exactly was his biggest role? Jingle All the Way? It probably was. I now remember Jingle All the Way for two reasons:

1. When FX had the ill-advised idea of competing against TBS’s Christmas Day marathon of A Christmas Story, they ran a 24-hour Jingle All the Way marathon. In typical FX fashion, they promoted the everlasting shat out of it. And the final line of the commercial is Arnold standing over a fallen and injured Sinbad and uttering in that ridiculous Austrian accent, “Aww, poor baby,” then smiling and running away. For some reason, this cracked me and my brothers up. It remains a Sadowski House staple whenever someone mentions Schwarzenegger.

2. One of my favorite Conan O’Brien bits was the fake Schwarzenegger via satellite thing. And in every segment fake Schwarzenegger would always mention “ZCHINGLE ALL ZA WAY, BUY MY DEE VEE DEE!” It was ridiculously hysterical. FF to the 3:30 point and watch the magic happen. Or watch the whole thing and enjoy more:

Local favorite Gary Dillon is playing the Sycamore Grille in Delaware Water Gap starting at 8 tonight. I love the Grille’s description on its FB event page: “He’s a local favorite who’s raspy voice and smooth melodies are the perfect backdrop for a cold and snowy evening the Poconos.” In other words, “It’s freaking cold outside, so come over and get drunk wit us while a cool guy plays music.” Sold.

The Blue Tequila in Minisink Hills is doing an after-ski “melt the snow” party at 9:30 tonight with DJ Jess MixGoddess playing the show. Not a bad idea for a hotel bar about five miles from a ski slope to do an after-ski party. the only thing that worries me is the $2 house tequila shots. WHAT?!?!?! You walk into that place around 1 a.m. and people might be lying passed out in the lobby floor.

Perhaps the demise of live music at Whispers has been slightly exaggerated. Flyin’ Blind is going to be playing there Saturday night starting at 9, so you have a choice. You can turn out in droves to make the bar reconsider its move to more of a dance club and support live music, or you can not show up and just let another Main Street bar turn into a dance club. This looks like it could be a last-ditch effort, so hopefully you’ll choose to go check out the guys (and girl) of Flyin’ Blind so that we have another choice to check out local bands (cover or otherwise) in the Poconos.

Guitarist and singer Pieter Holland– who runs the Rock N Roll Ranch recording studio in Canadensis — will be at the Panda’s Pub and Sports Bar in Marshalls Creek on Saturday starting at 9:30 p.m. Holland has the distinction of being the only person quoted in a Sharp Magazine cover story/center spread that I didn’t write. I’m fully aware that means absolutely nothing to anyone other than me, by the by. Tonight, the Panda is doing a DJ and a free happy hour buffet.

Speaking of free happy hour buffet, Pocono Brewing Company in Swiftwater is back in my good graces because it’s had buffalo wings for its free happy hour buffet the last two weeks instead of whatever other crazy flavor of wings people supposedly like. There’s no free buffet Saturday night, but the Poconuts Comedy Club is still going on.

you might think it's ironic and funny to wear this shirt next week. it is not. don't be that guy.

I must have missed the memo of this Syllabus Week thing at ESU, but it’s a fantabulous idea. You don’t do jack squat your first week back of college, you’re seeing your friends for the first time in six or seven weeks so there’s a good chance you might not have had any late-night companionship in that long, you’re finally out of your parents’ house again … why not go out and get plastered and have a blast every night? That’s what I did, I just didn’t have a name for it. Oh, right, yeah I did, it was called “Me and Two Buddies Sitting Alone at the Bar Week” because back then everyone else thought they had to be on their game for that first week. I never understood it. “You don’t understand, it’s very, very important when the professor reads word for word from a syllabus that he just handed us anyway, because I might not be able to read it myself.” Although the side effects of things like Syllabus Week and the trend of making up events just to drink could be that every college kid in this generation likely will develop some form of alcoholism. Anyhoo, Jock and Jills and Siamsa are having events every night next week.

Can’t say that I know who Red Love is, but they’re at Burke’s Tavern in Mount Pocono tonight. they’re an original funky blues band, although I’m not quite sure what “funky blues” are. Sounds interesting though. Should be an interesting night on the mountain with snow coming and the cold staying. I had to take a picture this morning by the airport on 611 and I stayed out of the car for as long as I could — about 45 seconds. Maybe a minute. Sometimes I don’t know how people can live up there.

Local favorites Bad Influence is at the Original Pocono Pub in Bartonsville tomorrow night, after the bar has a DJ tonight.

Zac Lawless is at the Cinder Inn tonight, and as per the bar’s usual, it’s no cover. Then they’re doing a dart tournament Sunday to benefit Relay for Life. That’s a pretty good way to avoid the reminder that there is no football on Sunday for the first time since Labor Day.

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