Leftover Oscar thoughts:
What’s worse, the chauvinistic We Saw Your Boobs song Seth MacFarlane belted out, or the fact that I knew all those movies for those specific nudity-related reasons and thought the list was incomplete and flawed? Why did he go with Monster’s Ball for Halle Berry instead of Swordfish? And Brokeback Mountain for Anne Hathaway when Havoc is sitting out there for the taking? He probably had to go Brokeback because about five people have seen Havoc, and those five people all saw it to see Hathaway get nekked for the first time. I know I did. And holy moley picking Monster for Charlize Theron over Devil’s Advocate in her long list of nude scenes is like picking Michael Jordan’s rookie year as the best year of his career. Either way, the song was awesome. It’s so nice that it’s not as creepy as it used to be to be a nudity savant.
Keeping up with Twitter during something like the Oscars is dang near impossible, but bless your heart for trying, CNN. While the rest of the world was trying to pick out who was wearing the best dress, I spent most of the night who had the best Twitter messages. I’m going with Joel McHale, who was cracking me up most of the night.
What the hell was up with Kristen Stewart? I know she had a broken leg or something, but I’ve had broken legs before, and I was never very doped up on painkillers. So whatever it was that made her look more dead than anyone in the In Memoriam piece, she needs to lay off it, pronto. Apparently, she stepped on glass, and ended up on crutches. I guess she was trying to take down some baddies at Nakatomi Tower and had to run across a glass-filled room just to escape their perilous clutches. Kristen Stewart, John McClane laughs at you.
We should seriously start a pool next year to predict who the Oscars will miss in the In Memoriam thing. This year would have been hard, but when you miss Rosalita, the maid from The Goonies, why are you even bothering running the thing?
Jennifer Lawrence is rocketing up the list of coolest people in Hollywood. It’s pretty easy to tell she doesn’t give a good rat’s behind what you think of her. She says whatever she wants, it seems like she does whatever she wants, and now that she’s got an Oscar, she’s probably going to ratchet it up to a whole new level. Kinda like Big Ern in Kingpin. “Finally … Jennifer Lawrence is above the law!” We should all be very excited for the next 10 years of Jennifer Lawrence, or at least until some PR flunky gets a hold of her and teaches how to keep her yapper shut.
Quentin Tarantino is my cinematic God and there was thunderous applause from my couch when he won his second screenplay Oscar. But why are you even bothering wearing a tie if you’re just going to loosen it down to your belly button? At least he looks like he’s back to his fighting weight after packing on about 50 pounds in Django.
While everyone was falling all over themselves saying how great Halle Berry looked, I thought her hair was designed using Ted Stroehmann’s hair gel from Something About Mary.
I’ve always known Kristin Chenoweth is short — she’s 4-foot-11 — but I don’t think I really knew it until ABC trotted her out for the pre-show red carpet interviews. It looks like Jennifer Garner — all 5-foot-8 of her — could have stepped on poor Chenoweth. The camera magic on Pushing Daisies and Glee to keep me from ever fully realizing it before is impressive.
You may or may not have heard this, but the show ran long. And apparently that was because the presenters were so long, to say nothing of how painfully unentertaining they were. The Jack Nicholson-Michelle Obama thing was excruciating, there wasn’t a person on the planet clamoring for a reunion of the Chicago cast and I can’t even remember one standout moment or joke from any of them.