Smart Move, Seth

Some quick links for your Wednesday:

he might be looking at boobs right there.

Good for Seth MacFarlane to pretty much give the world the middle finger by saying he doesn’t want to host the Oscars again. What the frigg did anyone expect? The opening number basically looked and felt like a live-action Family Guy episode. The Lincoln assassination joke sounds exactly like a joke Family Guy did about Franklin Roosevelt’s legs 10 years ago. He was most assuredly brought in to grab younger viewers (which he did) and shake things up a bit (which he definitely did). And for that he gets ripped? He needs that like he needs to be hit over the head repeatedly with an aluminum baseball bat. And forget about Tina Fey too, said all the people who claimed to be clamoring for her but were secretly hoping she’d turn tail after they watched the last two seasons of 30 Rock.

When Dancing with the Stars started, seeing the cast was pretty funny because it was washed up stars we had an affinity for at one time or another. They were no longer Hollywood “stars” but they at least made us curious. And the random sports celebrity was always a top-flight star, someone that made men say, “I’m going to gladly watch a show that highlights ballroom dancing because I really, really wanna see Emmitt Smith dance.” With this season’s cast, I don’t know how anyone could justify watching it, and certainly no men over the age of 30 should even consider admitting they’ll be watching this season. Jacoby Jones? Victor Ortiz? Those are your sports stars? And when Andy Dick is the one grabbing all the headlines, you’re hard up. My mom is a DWTS addict, and I’m pretty sure the only one she can even recognize in the new cast is Dorothy Hamill.

Someone needs to stop me. Seriously. Someone right now needs to take my computer, keyboard, mouse, headphones and everything else away from me RIGHT NOW so that I can no longer bother all of you with the latest, littlest, silliest Arrested Development news. Like that Ben Stiller will reprise his role and be a guest star, which was a given anyway. Or that there likely is only going to be one season on Netflix, at least until we wait another five years and basically bully some new streaming service into reuniting the old gang.

how could anyone have seen this coming?

From the “No Really, We Mean It This Time!” file, Stone Temple Pilots once again fired Scott Weiland. You know, I thought those crazy kids would be able to make it. Why would they even bring him back anyway? There are dozens of bands that are able to tour and make gobs of money with new or subbing lead singers. And they acrimony that broke the bands up in the first place wasn’t nearly as bad as, “Our lead singer is an unreliable,  self-destructive smack addict.” Anyway, you can probably look forward to a new Weiland-led STP album and tour in 2018.

Wait, another horror show on FX? It’s really, really taxing enduring a whole season of American Horror Story. If FX plants these two shows somehow together — one on Tuesdays, one on Wednesdays, something like that — I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it. Especially if Kathy Bates and Jessica Lange are going to be sparring next year, that sounds just insanely good. And, taxing.

I’m calling BS on this “Best Sitcom of the Last 30 Years” thing over at Vulture. I love Community. But if I had only 16 choices to pick the best sitcoms of the past three decades … I seriously doubt Community is making the list. Maybe it might make my favorites, but I don’t know if when you take everything into account — ratings should at least play some part — that Community can be one of the 16 best sitcoms of the last 30 years, beating out Frasier, Big Bang Theory, Everybody Loves Raymond, Modern Family, Married with Children, That 70s Show and Curb Your Enthusiasm. OK, off the top of my head here are my top 16: Simpsons, South Park, Seinfeld, Saved by the Bell (The Four S’s), Family Ties, Cheers, The Office, Arrested Development, Friends, 30 Rock, Married with Children, NewsRadio, Beavis and Butthead, Reno 911!, Night Court, Wings … I’m pretty sure that’s 16. Yeah, that’s 16. And I haven’t really researched it that much, but I know if I was buying sets of shows on DVD, I’d buy all of those before Community (and have). And it’s not counting Kids in the Hall, because that’s not really a sitcom. And as questionable as Community’s inclusion is, it doesn’t even come close to the travesty that is including Louie in this joke of a contest. Vulture, fail. I’m already more interested in its comedy undercard, which I think would be much more interesting and not as douchy. And because I could use a laugh now …

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