The Perfect Oscars Host Has Been Built Already

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you're welcome, ladies.

Done and done. I’m pretty pissed off I didn’t think of this before, that Justin Timberlake should be hosting the 2014 Oscars. You can rack your brain for a week and you won’t come up with a better candidate.

Let’s go through some facts:

1. He’s universally adored by every woman on the planet. At least 20 percent of those women have a crush on him that rises to or above the level of “creepy.” They will watch.

2. He’s established himself a very funny guy working with a live comedy audience, as he can be considered a top 5 member of the Five Timer’s Club.

3. In those SNL appearances, he’s managed to turn around just about every guy to his side as “funny actor” instead of “douchebag boy band retread.”

4. There are only about three people in the world that don’t like him, and they’re all people who made money of N’Sync somehow and won’t forgive for ruining their cash cow.

5. He’s the quintessential unoffensive nice guy. He will not sing about anyone’s boobs.

And they’d be getting him young. This gives him the chance to be the next Bob Hope, hosting the show for decades. And they’d be getting a quality choice talent-wise, PR-wise and Q-score wise. Win-win. Win.

blake shelton is not worthy.

The reason for The Voice ratings debuting high supposedly have something to do with Usher and Shakira making their debut. We know the truth. Christian. Porter.

My buddy and I were talking yesterday and realized we questioned ourselves wondering if Dean Smith, the legendary basketball coach of North Carolina, was still alive or not. (He is.) That’s pretty much how I felt when I saw the news Monday that William Daniels will be appearing in Girl Meets World. “Wait, is this an Internet hoax or not? Is he still alive?” With Dean Smith, you’ll know if he’s dead or not. If you’re a basketball fan — and my buddy and I are, this discussion happened at the Wells Fargo Center on Sunday during the NCAA Tournament games — there would be a week of tributes, remembrances, funeral coverage, all that stuff. Not Michael Jackson coverage, but coverage nonetheless that you wouldn’t be able to escape as long as you’re a basketball fan. But William Daniels is in that weird fame spot where he’s famous enough to get an easy-to-miss story on the obituary page, but not enough to get any splashy front-page coverage. So yeah, that was my first reaction when I heard the news — “Is he still alive?” Answer: Yes, and he’ll turn 86 on Sunday, bucking the mandatory retirement age of high school school principals.

remember this, will? I do.

Why isn’t Will Smith getting called out for his BS explanation on why he dropped out of Django Unchained? He needed to be the lead?!?!?! You conceited prick ya! You have one of the three best writer/directors working in Hollywood right now giving you a script that could change the trajectory of your career in a positive way, and you’re telling him how to write it so that you get your egotistical jollies out of it? Did Robert DeNiro go to David O. Russell and tell him to dump Bradley Cooper so that DeNiro could be the lead? NOOOO!!! And he never would, because he knew how good the Silver Linings Playbook script was. He sucked it up, go out his second (or even third) fiddle and played it all the way to an Oscar nomination. When Will Smith is making Bad Boys 3, is he pleading with Michael Bay to reduce Martin Lawrence’s role so that you’re more of the lead? You know, when Oscar time comes around? I just lost legitimate respect for Will Smith. Will Smith has always given off the air of a grounded guy who hasn’t let Hollywood affect him, but the more you hear, the more you think that’s all an act.

did you know they drink wine on cougar town? tbs made sure you did.

Unless Cougar Town was a complete flop, TBS was going to be bringing it back for a fifth season, so it’s no surprise that it did. It invested too much in the show, and got decent results ratings-wise. It’s also a good shwo to help establish a comedy brand, since it hasn’t had a breakthrough, original comedy hit yet that the critics and hispters have been able to get behind. Everything has been broad, broad, broad, but that doesn’t seem like the way to run a cable network that isn’t USA. You could tell when Scrubs moved to ABC it was being almost primed for a quick burn-off and cancellation. Very little marketing, asking it to lead a night of comedy when it was well past its prime and in the process of introducing a new cast … it just wasn’t going to work. It was viewed as a cheap gamble. When it failed, ABC seemed pretty indifferent to pull the plug and move on. There was no emotional or financial investment. That’s the complete opposite to what TBS did with Cougar Town. The network seemed like it just landed the syndication rights for another Seth MacFarlane cartoon or something the way they pimped it. They were promoting it in September and October during its baseball playoff coverage even though it’s a decided show for women and it wasn’t premiering for almost four more months. TBS was emotionally and financially invested in Cougar Town and almost needed it to succeed. Once it did, the network had no problem re-upping for another season. And the marketing hasn’t stopped since the announcement is strategically placed two weeks before the season finale so that people who want to possibly get into it over these next couple weeks know it’s safe to.

Altogether now: “Awwwwwwww crap!” on the news that Ryan Reynolds has little interest in being in Justice League. Let’s go back to Will Smith here for a second and think of it in those terms. Is Ryan Reynolds conceited enough and so full of himself that he really thinks he’s even going to be asked back for a Justice League movie? I don’t know one person who does agree that thing is a first-rate POS from the jump, and whether that has anything to do with Reynolds (answer: only slightly) he’s going to be the one that faces the fans’ ire for effing it up. Not that a Green Lantern movie is very interesting to me in the first place anyway. Green Lantern would be one of the very, very tertiary characters of the movie, so why would they even pay Reynolds’ quote on the movie for 20 minutes of screen time when they’re going to be concentrating, obviously, on Batman and Superman? Justice League just sounds like an idea that’s never, ever going to be done correctly.

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