I adore weddings, but I do take all of the hoopla of both engagements and weddings with a healthy grain of salt. Becoming engaged is a special time in one’s life. Enjoy it to the max, because making a serious commitment to another person is truly profound. Savor these moments.
But (you knew there would be a ‘but’) there seems to be more and more pressure on the person making the proposal to do something spectacular. This is not necessary. Neither a marriage proposal, nor a wedding needs to be a spectacle. Sometimes the quietest moment is the most intense. If you have a flare for the dramatic, ok, go for it – but no one should feel pressured to create something that isn’t right for them.
Often couples get caught up in these trappings while forgetting the deeper meaning of what is happening. So while you’re asking about flowers and cakes and dresses and shoes – ask yourself this:
- If you didn’t have to please anyone else, would this be the choice you’d be making?
- If you didn’t worry about what other people might think, would you do something differently?
When the guest list feels like it’s getting out of control, ask yourself: are these the people I really care about?
The answers to these questions will be a useful guide in your decision-making. I’m not saying other people shouldn’t be taken in account. After all, a marriage is about much more than just the two people getting married. Compromise is one of the keys to a successful wedding plan, as well as a successful marriage.
However, you need to balance others needs with your own. The clothes you choose to wear should feel like you. The way you present yourself should be authentic. Magazines are fun, but they often don’t really reflect reality.
There are some sources of information that do emphasize more realistic approaches, and I hope my tiny piece of the media world is one of them. A few site I like are: Off Beat Bride, Broke-Ass Bride, A Practical Wedding, A Realistic Wedding and the Huffington Post has a great wedding section as well.
I agree with blogger Marta Segal Block when she writes: ‘how do you know if blogs are helping or hurting you? Ask yourself:
1. How do I feel after I look at this blog; energized to start planning or depressed?
2. Is this blog trying to help me or sell me something?
3. Are there a variety of budgets and ethnicities represented on this blog? Do they show anything that resembles what I want, what I can afford, or what I look like?
4. Am I starting to think more about the “things” associated with my wedding and less about the people?
5. Am I ignoring the advice of my wedding vendors in favor of wedding advice given by an anonymous blogger?’
Don’t let wedding planning divide you and your partner. Take the time to do the normal things you do together and don’t let the big event overtake everything.
So while all those little details are great, don’t get me wrong, I adore flowers and photography, I’m just saying don’t lose your perspective.
The perfect wedding is a myth. You’re getting married, you’re an adult and you don’t believe in fairy tales any more. Enjoy all the little details and remember the big picture stuff. Most of all keep your sense of perspective. There, that’s wasn’t cynical of me, was it? Please pass the salt.