Wedding Vows

Over the winter I spend a lot of time writing ceremonies for couples. I find myself once again thinking about the importance of the vows. Wedding vows are perhaps the most personal and central element in any wedding ceremony. This is your promise, your pledge to your partner.

Thoreau wrote: “It is said that it takes two people to speak the truth – one to speak it and another to hear it”.

Vows can be religious or non-religious, traditional or not. They can be simple or elaborate and sometimes vows even contain an element of humor, which I always find wonderful.

If you ever thought about writing your own vows, I encourage you to ‘go for it.’  You can keep them secret from one another, as a surprise for your wedding day, but if you do so, be sure to check in with one another regarding the length and tone of the vows, so neither of you will feel as if you fell short. You don’t want to feel your vows were not very good compared to your partner’s. I often act as a go-between for couples who are writing their vows and keeping them from one another. Each will send me their vows and I’ll compare them and give them some advice so that they know that there will be similarity and balance. That way, they can enter the ceremony with excitement and anticipation – but in a good way – knowing there is equity in the promises they are about to make.

Most people chose not to try to memorize their vows. I once had an actor who swore he could do this, but in the moment, he could not. I simply handed them to him – I always have them – ‘just in case.’ You can read your vows to one another, but most people chose the ‘repeat after me’ style.

I hope you will consider the possibilities for making your vows really, really special, something you’ll both remember forever.