Saying Your Wedding Vows


The repeat after me method is just fine.

When I’m meeting with couples, the topic of vows invariably comes up. Sometimes I’m asked, ‘do I have to memorize my vows?’

My answer is an unequivocal ‘no!’ I think that is an unrealistic expectation. There are two ways I advocate taking your vows. You may do the ‘repeat after me’ method, or you may read them to one another. But you really should say them out loud. Simply replying yes to ‘the question’ (do you take this man/woman…) isn’t really enough in my book.

Vows are spoken out loud because it is the way to put your promise out into the world around you. It is an affirmation of your intent.

So, you may read it out loud, or repeat after the officiant, or perhaps eve say something sincere, off- the-cuff – making that promise to one another, from the heart, directly to one another. This is ok by me; but trying to strictly memorization is probably not a good idea.

I once officiated for a groom who was a professional actor. He was sure he could memorize his vows. I had a copy of them tucked in my book, at the ready, although he did not know this. When the time came, I saw the look of panic on his face, and handed him the paper with his vows. He was, to say the least, very grateful!

Saying your vows is a very important moment in life.

Folks, this is a very emotionally charged moment, perhaps one of the most important moments in your life, so naturally you will be nervous.

Here are a few tips on choosing or writing vows:
You do not have to say the same vow to one another, although this is what is most common. If you choose or create different vows, however, make sure there is a sense of equality, in length and spirit. I never would want one person to leave the ceremony feeling they did not say enough or looked bad in the eyes of their partner or guests. When couples want to keep their vows secret from one another I offer to I serve as a go-between, to assure the couple their vows have a sense of equality and balance.

Don’t make it a book. Your vow is your promise to support one another, not a history of your relationship.

First, 'the asking,' then the saying of vows.Saying Your Wedding Vows

Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. There is a reason that there are classic vows. They are rooted in deeply held values and ideas of the meaning of a marriage commitment.

It’s ok to inject some humor, but always come back to the essential message of a promise to commit for a lifetime.

Here are some more tips for writing your own vows.

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