Everything’s Canceled, What Do We Do?

Talk about wedding stress! This is not a crisis over a dress or flowers. The Coronavirus has caused the cancellation of countless events. What if it’s your wedding? For that matter what if another emergency came up that puts your special event into question. What do you do? How would you handle that?

It is a confusing and very emotional situation. 

So, should you cancel? If the wedding is a large gathering and happening within the next week or so, the short answer is yes. As the country and indeed the world is trying to contain this virus from spreading, it’s not wise to have large gatherings of people. Follow guidelines issued by your local community or state officials. They are keeping track of cases in your area.  

That doesn’t mean you still can’t get married. Paring the event down to those closest to you, if you know they haven’t been exposed (at best guess) and just including those who are deemed healthy and the least at risk is one viable alternative. If someone at risk is a parent or other close person, that could be a deal breaker. The couple themselves may have been exposed, and while most people don’t get sick or die from it, they could transmit it to someone else.

Clearly,  this is a very difficult decision. And the decision may not even be in your hands. It is not only up to the couple, but the venue, musicians, officiant, DJ, photographer, florist, caterer…any and all the people involved who may want to decline.  And of course, you can elope! (hey, give me a call!)

This speaks to a larger issue as well. And that is facing adversity as a couple. When you plan a wedding, you should also really be planning a marriage. I’m sure many discussions have already taken place about who you are and where you want to go. But facing problems, if you haven’t already, can be a real test.

You won’t be surprised as I reference a ritual now. Using water as a symbol is one of my favorites. I perform many variations of water rituals for ceremonies. I love the idea that water cuts a new path as it flows around any obstacles it meets. 

Keep it small and outdoors.


In other words, learning to deal with the ebb and flow of life is essential to a healthy marriage. If you wedding is in jeopardy due to things beyond your control, let that begin with this moment.

Yes, you will be extremely disappointed and put out in many ways, but, like every obstacle in life, how you deal with it is what matters. Go ahead and be angry, sad, and work through all of that – but come out like the water at the other end of the rocks…. keep flowing. Be mindful of the big picture and have faith in your relationship. Many have faced worse – in times of war, for example. 

Couples and families can take this opportunity to talk about what matters the most,  reaffirming their love and commitment. Challenge yourselves and one another to deal with a crisis you can’t control with grace and dignity, as much as possible. No one is perfect but let’s try to be kind, compassionate and patient.


find me on facebook – Lois Heckman, Celebrant, and Instagram – Lois Heckman

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