Author Archives: Lois Heckman

The extraordinary importance of the wedding vow

Wedding vows are perhaps the most important element of any wedding ceremony, and certainly deserve close examination. As you can imagine, after 15 years of officiating weddings, many, many weddings, I’ve heard a lot of vows spoken. Some funny, some surprising, some too long, some too short. How do you get the ‘goldilocks’ effect – […]

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Making it work – new spins on old traditions

Last week I wrote about some of the not-so-pleasant origins of familiar wedding rituals, the bouquet and garter toss and cake smashing. Today I want to propose some ways to reinvent and renew customs that can sometimes feel outdated, awkward or even inappropriate. Like family, weddings can be complicated. When a particular tradition doesn’t work […]

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How Do You Feel About These Traditions?

In weddings, as in many things in life, everyone wants to decide what does or doesn’t fit their style and point of view. I was once taken to task for suggesting the garter toss felt weird to me. Some women will still love to do this – it can be fun, sexy, traditional or even […]

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The beauty of Taoism

With so much wisdom around the world, its challenging to sift through it all and find great quotes, inspiration, and readings for weddings. But hey, that’s my job, and I often find words that resonate in Taoism (or Daoism – both are correct). About 20 million people practice this religion, really more of a philosophy, […]

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The Complex Story of ‘Who Pays for the Wedding’

Recently a friend asked me why, traditionally, the bride’s family paid for the wedding, knowing that in our modern world there are any number of ways that can go. I have worked with many couples who were paying for their own wedding, which I is pretty common these days. Historically, however, the bride’s family paid […]

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Adults Only

I’ve seen little kids crying and being disruptive during the ceremony and I’ve seen them be angels. You never know for sure how young children will react, they may feel very stressed being in a new situation.

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To invite or not to invite – that is the question.

Taking the Guess Out of the Guest List One of the trickiest decisions in wedding planning is the guest list. Almost every couple I speak with expresses that they want the people they love the most to share their special day. But how do you handle it when there is someone you don’t want to be […]

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The ‘Adventure’ of Love

A wedding ceremony is certainly an age-old, time-tested ritual. We take comfort in this ritual; this event puts our intention out in the world for all to see. Even an elopement carries much of the same power. The entire ceremony, from processional to recessional is ritualist in itself. Think of how each partner enters the ceremony space separately but leaves together. That is a power thing.

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Before You Do

Some tips for the newly engaged… Holidays are a popular time for proposals. Christmas, New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day all provide a perfect opportunity to surprise someone with a ring. Then the wedding planning begins, along with the confusion and stress. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way. I […]

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What Can Yoga Teach Us About Weddings?

Today, I write in honor of the famous Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, who taught so many about mindfulness. His teachings are very accessible, you can find out lots about him, even on Facebook. As of this writing he is quietly awaiting his death in Vietnam. I’m no yogi, that’s for sure, but I’ve been […]

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